belated tslr articles- nov

Flairwatch

By Tom Stewart

I want to marry Gus Poyet. There, I’ve said it. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love that man. I want his babies, I want to make him his packed lunch, I want to go for long walks in the countryside, I’d buy that man a Unicorn- that’s how much I love him.

He’s just amazing isn’t he? I mean, I’m not sure I've ever been this happy supporting the Albion. We’re absolutely destroying everything in our path, it’s just too easy.

We’re INSANELY flair. We must be the most contiMental team outside the Premiership. The way we absolutely spray the ball around, forcing our opponents to chase shadows all game, I mean, EIGHTY per cent possession is just obscene. I’m convinced this is all some kind of erotic dream.

Comparison’s with Arsenal are rife, and it’s clear to see why. We both have intelligent foreign managers who like things done their own way (note Poyet’s ambition to get our youth team playing in an equally flair manner), both Wenger and Poyet like to protect their own players in the media and both love foreign players.

Poyet’s love of foreign players is really pleasing me. Especially as some of them are actually quite good. Calderon is definitely my favourite (I’d like to proudly reveal that it was I who invented the nickname “the matador”). Watching his long flowing locks rampaging up and down the right flank is simply a joy to behold. Also, has anyone else noticed how all opposing fans seem to absolutely despise him? It’s amazing how much he appears to wind up everyone, a definite flair attribute. My favourite thing about him is that he ALWAYS seems to be seen out and about with our two Argentinians, like he’s their Dad or something. Baz and Battipiedi are really exciting me lately. When they were signed I had hopes for both of them, and they’re both showing signs of being pretty darn good players, as they gradually adapt to the English game.

One thing that is worrying me slightly, however, and I do apologise for possibly putting a dampener on our euphoria, is the thought of our flairtastic passing game getting ruined by horrible League 1 winter pitches. Our style of play should be gracing the finest arenas known to man, not getting bogged down at some northern hell hole. It might not be an issue at all, as Gus is a clever man and a brilliant tactician, and he always seems to have a decent plan b, I just think it’s a shame that our superior style of football will ultimately suffer. Also, there’s the possibility that some of our flairniac players won’t like the winter. Memories of Paul Brooker are flooding back to me. That man was absolutely useless every winter, almost without fail, but put him on a decent pitch in the summer, and he’d run rings around full backs. It was like two completley different players. Could Kaz be the new Brooker?

Anyway, that’s all for me this month, take care disciples.