Top 10- Flair Managers

Managing any football club is a high stressful occupation, which is why many of them will turn into eccentric flair bastards, here is my top 10.....IAN HOLLOWAY IS NOT IN THIS BECAUSE HE TRIES TOO HARD

10. Raymond Domenech- Mulhouse, Lyon, France u-21, France

flair attributes- uses astrology for team selections



Raymond is the current manager of the French national side, he raised eyebrows when he admitted that he bases his team selections of astronomy, and has a distrust of Scorpio's. He has often dropped and called up players randomly, often without explanation or reason. Most French writers consider him to be "merde".

9. Ruud Gullit- Chelsea, Newcastle United, Feyenoord, LA Galaxy

flair attributes- dreadlock/suit combo, "sexy football"


After a hugely successful playing career, this dreadlocked Dutchman became manager of (then cool) Chelsea. Parented by father George Gullit and his mistress, Ria Dil, Gullit originally went by his mothers name until changing to Gullit because "it sounded more like a footballers name". He saw out his playing career at Chelsea and took over as manager when Glenn Hoddle became England Coach. At Chelsea he instigated the birth of "Sexy Football". Chelsea were the flair kings of England, with such icons as Gus Poyet, Gianfranco Zola, Frank LeBeouf, Gianluca Vialli, Jody Morris, Ed de Gooij and Marcel Desailly. Gullit was the first non-british manager to lift the FA Cup (1997), but left the club after a financial dispute. He later had a very unsuccessful spell at Newcastle, where he angered fans for leaving out hero Alan Shearer in the "Tyne-Wear Derby" and refusing to play Rob Lee. Since leaving England he has managed Feyenoord and LA Galaxy.

8. Paul Tisdale- Team Bath, Exeter City

flair attributes- cool hats


LOOK AT THAT HAT!!!!!!! AND HE WEARS CRAVATS!!!!!!!!!!



7. Sir Bobby Robson- Fulham, Ipswich Town, England, PSV Eindhoven, Sporting CP, Porto, Barcelona, Newcastle United

flair attributes- really nice, managed flair teams, mixing players names up, building newcastle's 2nd flair reich, discovering Ronaldo (the old one)



Sir Bobby is a legend of the footballing world. His charismatic charm and smile endeared him to everyone. A successful spell with Ipswich where he saw them lift the UEFA Cup was followed by a long spell as England manager. A Quarter Final and Semi Final record means that he is the nations second most successful manager. After a spell managing aboard for several clubs (he discovered RONALDO(the proper one)) he returned to his boyhood heroes, Newcastle United. Here he constructed an ultimate flair unit, with the likes of Kieron Dyer, Lee Bowyer, Titus Bramble and Craig Bellamy. Doubts as to whether he, at his old age, could handle all of these mega brutes led to his sacking. He died last year.

6. Mark Mcghee- Reading, Leicester City, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Millwall, Brighton & Hove Albion, Motherwell, Aberdeen

flair attributes- good suits, anger outbursts, building brighton's first flair reich, telling a player to walk home from burnley (to brighton)



Mark Mcghee was a member of Alex Ferguson's hugely successful Aberdeen side of the 1980's, and was seen as a natural successor to Ferguson when he stepped into the managerial game. However, since starting off at Reading, he has failed to settle at any club. He seems to follow the same pattern wherever he goes, he will do well for 2 years before going insane and falling out with everyone. I witnessed this happening at Brighton. He guided the Seagulls to promotion from League 1 to the Championship in his first season, kept them up the next, before going insane and calling everyone cunts. A mega fall out with star striker Leon Knight, aswell as Mark McCammon (he made him walk home from Burnley, although he actually just got a lift) blighted a season which saw the team relegated. Oh, and he would often wear all white suits to games.


5.John Sitton- Leyton Orient

flair attributes- incredible outburst on tv



"You, you little cunt, when I tell you to do something, and you, you fucking big cunt, when I tell you to do something, do it. And if you come back at me, we'll have a fucking right sort-out in here. All right? And you can pair up if you like, and you can fucking pick someone else to help you, and you can bring your fucking dinner. 'Cos by the time I've finished with you, you'll fucking need it."


4. Brian Clough OBE- Hartlepool United, Derby County, Brighton & Hove Albion, Leeds United, Nottingham Forest

flair attributes- arrogance, alcohol, crazy man management


"Old Big 'Ead" is one of the games most loved characters. A league winner with Derby County (yes, DERBY COUNTY) and Nottingham Forest (YEAH!) where he also won the European Cup (!) twice (TWICE!). He inexplicably never got the chance to manage England, seen as too big a character for the FA to handle, he later said ""I’m sure the England selectors thought if they took me on and gave me the job, I’d want to run the show. They were shrewd because that’s exactly what I would have done"

Clough was famed for his amazing man management, and making his players play the game fairly and attractively, he was years ahead of his time. The book and film "The Damned United" was made about his unsuccessful short spell with Leeds United.

Below are some of the gems that left his mouth

"If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there."

"I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one."

"I can't even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball - he might grab mine."

"Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particular job."

"I only ever hit Roy [Keane] the once. He got up so I couldn't have hit him very hard."

"I'm dealing with my drinking problem and I have a reputation for getting things done."

"We talk about it for twenty minutes and then we decide I was right."

"I like my women to be feminine, not sliding into tackles and covered in mud."

"He should guide Posh in the direction of a singing coach because she's nowhere near as good at her job as her husband."

3. Kevin Keegan OBE- Newcastle United, Fulham, England, Manchester City

flair attributes- awful england managerial career, built newcastle's first flair reich, failure to deal with pressure


Kevin Keegan constructed the flairest team ever to grace the Premier League. They were so utterly flair it was incredible. They paid little to no attention to defence whatsoever. The fact that they surrendered the title in the 1995-96 season, when it was almost in their grasp proves just how flair they really were. In that season Keegan crumbled under pressure in a way that has rarely been beaten before or since. His "I'D LOVE IT IF WE BEAT THEM" rant live on TV was one of the flairest moments ever. He later repeated this flairitude with Man City with the likes of George Weah and Paolo Wanchope. He is perhaps best known for his awful spell as England manager, however, where England failed to progress to the 2nd round in Euro 2000 in a tournament marred by strange team selections and individual errors. "King Kev" is a true flair hero.

2. Paul Gascoigne- Kettering Town

flair attributes- the fact that anyone ever thought that he was a suitable man for a managerial position


Few people remember Gazza's managerial career, and that is because it lasted all of 39 days. He was appointed manager of Kettering Town in 2005 after an action packed career in which he played for the likes of Newcastle, Tottenham, Rangers and Lazio. After struggling with fitness and mental illness, Gazza hung up his boots and went into the coaching and managerial game. However, whilst manager, his alcohol problems spiralled out of control, and the chairman sacked him. Since then he has hit rock bottom and was arrested for assault on the day of his sacking and has since been institutionalised after going on a mad rampage through a Newcastle hotel, and has made the odd brief recovery.


1. Jose Mourinho- Benfica, UD Leiria, Porto, Chelsea, Internazionale

flair attributes- silver fox, "the special one"

This Portuguese silver fox stated ""Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one,"" when he joined Chelsea. He has since blessed the world with his arrogance and self assurance. He has every right to be, as, at a fairly young age, he is already one of the most successful managers in history. He shot to fame when he guided the unfancied FC Porto to back to back Uefa Cup and Champions League wins, before joining Chelsea. Here he guided the Blues to their first title in YONKS before falling out with chairman Roman Abramovich and leaving, later joining Internazionale. He has always used a tactic of criticising referees and opposing players to take the pressure off of his own players, which has angered many of his opponents.

My New Hero- Iñigo Calderón

Gus Poyet was criticised by sections of the anti-flair mafia that plague Brighton games for signing a fairly unknown Spanish (Basque) right-back going by the name of Iñigo Calderón. "blah blah blah we've already got Andrew Whing blah blah blah and Gavin Hoyte blah blah blah"

Calderón had been without a club since leaving former UEFA Cup finalists Deportivo Alaves in the summer and had had unsuccessful trials at several English clubs, before sexy Gus took a gamble.

Iñigo Calderón has dazzled Albion fans with his swashbuckling attitude to football, and will hopefully be at the club for a long, long time.

If i had my way, i'd make Iñigo Calderón player/life president and have Falmer named after him. He's even overtaken Federico Turienzo as my favourite ever human.

:)

Top 10: Flair Goalkeepers

Goalkeepers have had a long connection with Flair. The potential for flair kits and erratic play is almost endless for these frustrated beings. They say that all goalkeepers are crazy, and here is proof, as i CONFIRM the top 10 flair goalkeepers.


10. Dmitri Kharine- USSR/CIS/Russia

The mid-90's was a golden era for flair. This was before the large influx of foreigners into the English game, which meant that the few heroes that did board the newly opened Channel Tunnel stood out like Gary Glitter in a playground. Kharine, a Russian international, was a trail blazer in the field of erratic goalkeeping. Wearing his trademark jogging bottoms, Kharine shocked the nation with a brand of play never seen before on this island. He is now giving something back to the community and is coaching a new breed of flair goalkeepers at Luton Town.


9. Jorge Campos- Mexico

Never has anyone encapsulated "kit flair" to the same extent as this Latino Flair hero. Campos insisted on designing his own kits, and, as you can see above, produced tremendous results. He played most of his football in his native Mexico, and would often play upfront for periods of games. When he did play in goal he would often bedazzle the crowd with his outfield prowess, inspiring the likes of Ben Roberts with his dribbling skills. Like Kharine, Campos is now a coach.


8. Yoshi Kawaguchi- Japan

Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi is a national icon in his native football mad Japan, almost as big as they come. However, he was an absolute disaster when he jumped aboard Milan Mandaric's Portsmouth Flar boat. Standing at 5 foot 10, white booted and short sleeved he was far too small to be a goalkeeper in the hustle and bustle of English football, and was often outmuscled by the burlish strikers found in England. Losing his place to fellow flairist Shaka Hislop, he left England with his tail between his legs. He is now playing in his native Japan.

7. German Burgos- Argentina

This Argentinian sex god is in this list purely for his off field antics. German Burgos quit football to join a cult. On the pitch he was a typical South American keeper with a hot head and an erratic style. After realising he didn't want to be in a cult any longer he rejoined football to continue his flair odyssey. He is now in a rock band.

6. Rustu Recber- Turkey

A modern day flair icon who reminded fans of a byegone era of flair keeping. Rustu went into each game like it was a battle, with war paint smeared across his face and a playing style not seen since the days of Genghis Khan. After dominating the Turkish game he joined Spanish giants Barcelona but failed to establish himself there due to refusing to learn Spanish. He is now Turkey's leading appearance maker.


5. Bruce Grobbelaar- Zimbabwe

Mad as a box of frogs, this Zimbabwean enters our list at number 5. There have been few keepers who have played with such a flamboyant nature, Bruce was a part of the all-conquering Liverpool of the 1980's. I was unfortunate to have only seen Africa's finest in the twighlight years of his career, which could well have been a blessing, as it was around this time that he was embroiled in a match-fixing scandle and was declared bankrupt as he failed to pay the fine. Since then he has appeared on ITV's "Hell's Kitchen".

4. Rene Higuita- Colombia


This Colombian stopper was nicknamed "El Loco" by fans and critics alike for his erratic playing style. One of many goalkeepers convinced that they belong outfield, he would frequently attempt to dribble past strikers, sometimes resulting in disasterous consequences. He was one of the first keepers to actively try and score goals. Higuita was also one imprisoned on kidnapping charges, causing him to miss the 1994 World Cup. The above picture shows him performing the now infamous "scorpion kick".

3. Jens Lehmann- Germany

One of the most mentally unstable players ever to grace the world. This German giant was incredibly argumentative with officials, team mates and opponents alike. Often openly critical of rival goalkeepers Oliver Khan and Manuel Almunia. The best Jens moments came on field when he would give out a "Jensing" and intimidate opponents. He also recently urinated on pitch DURING play.

2. Mark Bosnich- Australia

See "Top 10: Flair Premiership Players"

1. Jose Luis Chilavert- Paraguay

Scorer of 62 goals in his career, Jose Luis Chilavert is a goalkeeping icon. The Paraguay stopper was a freekick and penalty expert, more skilled with his feet than many outfield players and equally adept with his hands. When his portly frame strode up to the ball, the opposing keeper knew where it was going, and that was into his goal. Never really appreciated in European club football (he only scored 1 goal in his spell in France), he enjoyed his best spell in Argentina, where he scored an incredible 48 goals for Velez Sarsfield. Post-retirement, Jose was imprisoned for 6 months in France for using illegal passport documents, and is now involved in renewable energy using seaweed (that is actually true).

Top 10: Flair Rotherham United Players

Written by Scott McCarthy


TOP 10 ROTHERHAM FLAIR PLAYERS SINCE 1994

To those of you uneducated in the world of flair, you may not associate the words "Rotherham United" and "flair" as going hand in hand. But oh how wrong you would be. In that famous Millmoor Stadium surrounded by a scrapyard in a small corner of Yorkshire, some of the most flair names in world football have played their trade. Here are the Top 10:

10) Jason White

Flair Attributes: Having the surname white but being black

White was an important player for Rotherham when he first arrived in the Ronnie Moore revolution, netting 22 times. He went onto have a spell in Singapore, but is probably best known for being a large burly black man with the surname white.
9) Darren Byfield

Flair Attributes: Married to Jamelia, Jamaican international

Scored "the goal that never was" on his debut against West Brom, before going onto finish his Rotherham career with 22 goals before a ludicrous swap deal sent him to Sunderland in exchange for Michael Proctor. Capped by Jamaica and former husband of pop superstar Jamelia
8) Barry and Paul Chuckle

Flair Attributes: Television personalities, moustaches, vicious rumour about their death.

Fans of ChuckleVision will recall the time that Barry and Paul pulled on the Rotherham United jersey in the episode "Football Heroes". Their one Millers appearance resulted in an own goal and the subsequent costing of the game
7) Leo Fortune-West

Flair Attributes: Journeyman, wears glasses

A gentle giant, Leo caused unforetold problems as he helped Rotherham to promotion from Division Three with 17 goals. His doubled barrelled name saw the Millers Shop take record salves for shirt printing

6) Eugene Bopp

Flair Attributes: Russian, ex-Bayern Munich

Mmmm-Bopp spent one season at the Millers in 2006-2007, netting 5 goals from midfield in a side that was relegated. Born in the Soviet Union, he began his career at Bayern Munich which gains instant flair recognition. Somehow nearly ended up signing for Portsmouth last summer despite suffering two relegations into League Two in three seasons with both the Millers and Crewe.

5) Darren Garner

Flair Attributes: 10 years of service, turning on his own fans

After 10 years of service including two promotions and winning the Auto Windscreen Shield and 265 appearances, Garner ended his Rotherham career in controversial fashion. After being substituted in February 2005, he didn't agree with the decision and subsequently decided to have an argument with Ronnie Moore followed by the use of a two finger salute at the crowd. This, obviously, didn't sit well and so Garner was gone
4) Alan Lee

Flair Attributes: Goal against Brentford, Irish, Alan Lee song

Signed to replace Leo Fortune-West, Lee had a pretty poor start to his Millers career. He soon started banging them in, and earned instant legend status when he netted the last minute goal against Brentford with a miraculous shot on the turn to send Rotherham into the second tier for only the second time in their history

3) Guy Branston

Flair Attributes: Massive discipline issues, general psychopath

Branston didn't earn the nickname "Psycho" for no reason. Best described as an eager player, he has been sent off 18 times in his career - including three since signing for Burton in July. He took great pleasure in winding up opposition players and fans with his antics, including diving, fouling, moaning and sometimes using hand gestures to inform people that they were, in his opinion, wankers

2) Shaun Goater MBE

Flair Attributes: MBE, Bermudan

The world has a lot to thank Rotherham for - and its not just Barry and Paul Chuckle. If it wasn't for the Millers, Shaun Goater would never have made it in England and fans across the country would never have known the saying "Feed the goat and he will score." He spent 7 years at Millmoor, earning an Auto Windscreen Shield winners medal in 1996 before leaving for Bristol City after falling out with Archie Gemmill.

1) Júnior

Flair Attributes: Brazilian, being black but having blonde hair, legal and personal problems

Although he only spent 12 games at Millmoor scoring 2 goals, José Luiz Guimarães Sanabio Júnior will go down as flair icon. He has left no less than three clubs due to personal problems, one of them being legal issues. Had he have had the correct legal paperwork and Ronnie Moore had have had the funds and desire to sign him, Júnior could have become the greatest flair player in English football