Thursday 25 February 2010

Top 10- Flair Managers

Managing any football club is a high stressful occupation, which is why many of them will turn into eccentric flair bastards, here is my top 10.....IAN HOLLOWAY IS NOT IN THIS BECAUSE HE TRIES TOO HARD


10. Raymond Domenech- Mulhouse, Lyon, France u-21, France

flair attributes- uses astrology for team selections




Raymond is the current manager of the French national side, he raised eyebrows when he admitted that he bases his team selections of astronomy, and has a distrust of Scorpio's. He has often dropped and called up players randomly, often without explanation or reason. Most French writers consider him to be "merde".

9. Ruud Gullit- Chelsea, Newcastle United, Feyenoord, LA Galaxy

flair attributes- dreadlock/suit combo, "sexy football"


After a hugely successful playing career, this dreadlocked Dutchman became manager of (then cool) Chelsea. Parented by father George Gullit and his mistress, Ria Dil, Gullit originally went by his mothers name until changing to Gullit because "it sounded more like a footballers name". He saw out his playing career at Chelsea and took over as manager when Glenn Hoddle became England Coach. At Chelsea he instigated the birth of "Sexy Football". Chelsea were the flair kings of England, with such icons as Gus Poyet, Gianfranco Zola, Frank LeBeouf, Gianluca Vialli, Jody Morris, Ed de Gooij and Marcel Desailly. Gullit was the first non-british manager to lift the FA Cup (1997), but left the club after a financial dispute. He later had a very unsuccessful spell at Newcastle, where he angered fans for leaving out hero Alan Shearer in the "Tyne-Wear Derby" and refusing to play Rob Lee. Since leaving England he has managed Feyenoord and LA Galaxy.

8. Paul Tisdale- Team Bath, Exeter City

flair attributes- cool hats


LOOK AT THAT HAT!!!!!!! AND HE WEARS CRAVATS!!!!!!!!!!



7. Sir Bobby Robson- Fulham, Ipswich Town, England, PSV Eindhoven, Sporting CP, Porto, Barcelona, Newcastle United

flair attributes- really nice, managed flair teams, mixing players names up, building newcastle's 2nd flair reich, discovering Ronaldo (the old one)



Sir Bobby is a legend of the footballing world. His charismatic charm and smile endeared him to everyone. A successful spell with Ipswich where he saw them lift the UEFA Cup was followed by a long spell as England manager. A Quarter Final and Semi Final record means that he is the nations second most successful manager. After a spell managing aboard for several clubs (he discovered RONALDO(the proper one)) he returned to his boyhood heroes, Newcastle United. Here he constructed an ultimate flair unit, with the likes of Kieron Dyer, Lee Bowyer, Titus Bramble and Craig Bellamy. Doubts as to whether he, at his old age, could handle all of these mega brutes led to his sacking. He died last year.


6. Mark Mcghee- Reading, Leicester City, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Millwall, Brighton & Hove Albion, Motherwell, Aberdeen

flair attributes- good suits, anger outbursts, building brighton's first flair reich, telling a player to walk home from burnley (to brighton)



Mark Mcghee was a member of Alex Ferguson's hugely successful Aberdeen side of the 1980's, and was seen as a natural successor to Ferguson when he stepped into the managerial game. However, since starting off at Reading, he has failed to settle at any club. He seems to follow the same pattern wherever he goes, he will do well for 2 years before going insane and falling out with everyone. I witnessed this happening at Brighton. He guided the Seagulls to promotion from League 1 to the Championship in his first season, kept them up the next, before going insane and calling everyone cunts. A mega fall out with star striker Leon Knight, aswell as Mark McCammon (he made him walk home from Burnley, although he actually just got a lift) blighted a season which saw the team relegated. Oh, and he would often wear all white suits to games.


5.John Sitton- Leyton Orient

flair attributes- incredible outburst on tv




"You, you little cunt, when I tell you to do something, and you, you fucking big cunt, when I tell you to do something, do it. And if you come back at me, we'll have a fucking right sort-out in here. All right? And you can pair up if you like, and you can fucking pick someone else to help you, and you can bring your fucking dinner. 'Cos by the time I've finished with you, you'll fucking need it."


4. Brian Clough OBE- Hartlepool United, Derby County, Brighton & Hove Albion, Leeds United, Nottingham Forest

flair attributes- arrogance, alcohol, crazy man management



"Old Big 'Ead" is one of the games most loved characters. A league winner with Derby County (yes, DERBY COUNTY) and Nottingham Forest (YEAH!) where he also won the European Cup (!) twice (TWICE!). He inexplicably never got the chance to manage England, seen as too big a character for the FA to handle, he later said ""I’m sure the England selectors thought if they took me on and gave me the job, I’d want to run the show. They were shrewd because that’s exactly what I would have done"

Clough was famed for his amazing man management, and making his players play the game fairly and attractively, he was years ahead of his time. The book and film "The Damned United" was made about his unsuccessful short spell with Leeds United.

Below are some of the gems that left his mouth

"If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there."

"I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one."

"I can't even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball - he might grab mine."

"Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particular job."

"I only ever hit Roy [Keane] the once. He got up so I couldn't have hit him very hard."

"I'm dealing with my drinking problem and I have a reputation for getting things done."

"We talk about it for twenty minutes and then we decide I was right."

"I like my women to be feminine, not sliding into tackles and covered in mud."

"He should guide Posh in the direction of a singing coach because she's nowhere near as good at her job as her husband."


3. Kevin Keegan OBE- Newcastle United, Fulham, England, Manchester City

flair attributes- awful england managerial career, built newcastle's first flair reich, failure to deal with pressure



Kevin Keegan constructed the flairest team ever to grace the Premier League. They were so utterly flair it was incredible. They paid little to no attention to defence whatsoever. The fact that they surrendered the title in the 1995-96 season, when it was almost in their grasp proves just how flair they really were. In that season Keegan crumbled under pressure in a way that has rarely been beaten before or since. His "I'D LOVE IT IF WE BEAT THEM" rant live on TV was one of the flairest moments ever. He later repeated this flairitude with Man City with the likes of George Weah and Paolo Wanchope. He is perhaps best known for his awful spell as England manager, however, where England failed to progress to the 2nd round in Euro 2000 in a tournament marred by strange team selections and individual errors. "King Kev" is a true flair hero.

2. Paul Gascoigne- Kettering Town

flair attributes- the fact that anyone ever thought that he was a suitable man for a managerial position


Few people remember Gazza's managerial career, and that is because it lasted all of 39 days. He was appointed manager of Kettering Town in 2005 after an action packed career in which he played for the likes of Newcastle, Tottenham, Rangers and Lazio. After struggling with fitness and mental illness, Gazza hung up his boots and went into the coaching and managerial game. However, whilst manager, his alcohol problems spiralled out of control, and the chairman sacked him. Since then he has hit rock bottom and was arrested for assault on the day of his sacking and has since been institutionalised after going on a mad rampage through a Newcastle hotel, and has made the odd brief recovery.


1. Jose Mourinho- Benfica, UD Leiria, Porto, Chelsea, Internazionale

flair attributes- silver fox, "the special one"

This Portuguese silver fox stated ""Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one,"" when he joined Chelsea. He has since blessed the world with his arrogance and self assurance. He has every right to be, as, at a fairly young age, he is already one of the most successful managers in history. He shot to fame when he guided the unfancied FC Porto to back to back Uefa Cup and Champions League wins, before joining Chelsea. Here he guided the Blues to their first title in YONKS before falling out with chairman Roman Abramovich and leaving, later joining Internazionale. He has always used a tactic of criticising referees and opposing players to take the pressure off of his own players, which has angered many of his opponents.

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