Flairwatch
by Tom Stewart
Greeting disciples. Another month passes, and it was a quiet one on the flair front. January transfer windows have often been a period of flairstivities for Albion managers, but this month it was not to be.......I mean, how do you improve on perfection? Not easily, is the answer....and we seem to have left the Premiership to own the flair spotlight for now, as my ultimate hero, Andy Carroll, becomes (quite rightly) the seventh most expensive player IN THE WORLD EVER. The only flair we have to look forward to is the possibility of ultra flairniac Emmanuel Ledesma possibility jumping aboard the flairboat.
Anyway, with an uneventful window behind us, it’s time to look back at a period in the clubs history that some onlookers described as the “Golden Age o’Flair”.
That’s right, I’m of course talking about Mark McGhee’s time in charge of the club. McGhee took charge in 2003, after Steve Coppel left for Reading. He had a decent pedigree at that level, having had decent spells at Reading and Millwall, amongst others. His task was to help the Albion return to the Championship, which he did via the play-offs, via an epic battle with a Rory Fallon inspired Swindon Town, and Christian Roberts’ Bristol City.
But it wasn’t until we reached the Championship that McGhee unleashed “Project Flair”. The standard of flairniacs that he brought to the club throughout the next two and a bit years is almost beyond belief: Florent Chaigneau; Rami Shaaban; Wayne Henderson; Alexis Nicolas; Sebastien Carole; Alexandre Frutos; Darren Currie; Maheta Molango; Georges Santos; Colin Kazim-Richards; Mark McCammon; Albert Jarrett, and of course- Federico Turienzo.
We’re a much different club then to what we are....let’s be honest, we were an utter shambles (no disrespect to Dick Knight). We were skint, Falmer seemed a million miles away.......but we still managed to hold our own in the Championship. For one season atleast.
The unlikely goalscoring feats of Adam Virgo, a tight defence, a combatitive midfield and some wins against big clubs helped us achieve 20th place- our highest league position in years.
But it was our second year where Project Flair really came into fruitition. Chaigneau, Carole and Frutos arrived from France with good reputations. A Coca-Cola sponsored competition was won by Brighton fan Aaron Berry, and the proceeds were used to secure the signing of exciting, yet temperamental and inconstant Colin Kazim-Richards. Added to that, a mysterious Argentinian going by the name of Federico Turienzo was signed for the unfeasibly high sum of £150k.
The season was a complete disaster. Mcghee completely lost the plot in the flairest Keeganesque way possible. Constant bickering with the likes of Leon Knight, Mark McCammon and Michel Kuipers.......with a reported RACIAL DIVIDE in the squad. Inconsistency throughout the season and under performance from the likes of Kazim-Richards saw the club relegated without putting up much of a fight. One of McGhee’s trademarks was labelling some league games as unimportant, culminating in one farcical night in Luton (which is bad enough as it is), with the completely adject front line of McCammon and Turienzo.
That season was the flairest that I can remember, and in true Newcastle style, it’s taken us YEARS to recover.
Mark Mcghee- I salute you.
Thursday, 10 February 2011
belated tslr articles- jan
Flairwatch
by tom stewart
Happy new year flairniacs!
Everyone here at Flair HQ trusts that you had a wonderful festive period, and are looking forward to Two Thousand and FLAIRleven.
The January transfer window is a period in which all true flairniacs can not fail to lick their lips with excitement. A whole month of pure transfer speculation, with wild rumours flying all over the place. Are we really going to see Mikael Forsell partner Robbie Fowler upfront in the blue and white stripes? No, of course not (although Forsell is a viable rumour in my view).
However, here is my personal wish list.
Goalkeepers? We’re pretty much sorted there aren’t we? Casper is superb AND has moments of true flair, with his punches and time wasting, and sexy Pete looks good in trousers, so I’m happy with him as a back up, so I’m happy in that department.
Defenders? Well, Inigo is my favourite player on earth, and Marcos is just superb. But we could possibly do with a bit of back up. The fact that Tano plays for us every now and again is just brilliant, and I guess Radostin can do a job as back up, but maybe someone a bit younger as back up? Not too high up on our priority list, but maybe something to think about in the future. As for centre backs, well we’re definitely fine there.......maybe a mental Uruguayan? Maybe I’m being selfish.
Onto midfield, Well on the right, Bennett is excellent, I genuinely think he’s one of the best players I’ve seen in an Albion shirt, so no need for improvement there. Central midfield, and we’ve got Radostin the beast, who has impressed me a lot, Bridcutt who I LOVE- I think Gus has pulled a blinder there. Dicker and Sparrow are good, and Agustin keeps the flair quota up. Left midfield? Well, Noone sounds like he’s going to make a massive difference, and maybe Kazenga will return? That’d be amazing, and of course there’s the penalty king, Cristian Baz.
Upfront? Well, Glenn is, in my view, irreplaceable. If you look at some of these prices being bounded around for the likes of Charlie Austin, Adam Le fondre, Aaron McLean, then £300k for Murray was a real bargain, I really hope he doesn’t leave for a long time. Ashley Barnes is good enough, he’ll get goals and I’m starting to believe the hype there. Then we have our two flairnaics. Super Fran plays football like a retarded horse, but seems to be in the right place at the right time- ALL the time. Chris Wood, well, he’s from New Zealand, so enough said there.
So what do we actually NEED? Well, another striker is a decent shout, apart from that I think our first XI is brilliant, so maybe just some back up players? There’s talk of Craig Mackail-Smith, Charlie Austin and the like.....that kind of player would see us kill this division, and there’s talk of some Spanish guy called “Quini”, obviously I’d wet my pants if that happened.
So that’s it for this month, sorry if it’s been uneventful, join me next month for the Transfer Window REVIEW
Viva La Revolucion!
by tom stewart
Happy new year flairniacs!
Everyone here at Flair HQ trusts that you had a wonderful festive period, and are looking forward to Two Thousand and FLAIRleven.
The January transfer window is a period in which all true flairniacs can not fail to lick their lips with excitement. A whole month of pure transfer speculation, with wild rumours flying all over the place. Are we really going to see Mikael Forsell partner Robbie Fowler upfront in the blue and white stripes? No, of course not (although Forsell is a viable rumour in my view).
However, here is my personal wish list.
Goalkeepers? We’re pretty much sorted there aren’t we? Casper is superb AND has moments of true flair, with his punches and time wasting, and sexy Pete looks good in trousers, so I’m happy with him as a back up, so I’m happy in that department.
Defenders? Well, Inigo is my favourite player on earth, and Marcos is just superb. But we could possibly do with a bit of back up. The fact that Tano plays for us every now and again is just brilliant, and I guess Radostin can do a job as back up, but maybe someone a bit younger as back up? Not too high up on our priority list, but maybe something to think about in the future. As for centre backs, well we’re definitely fine there.......maybe a mental Uruguayan? Maybe I’m being selfish.
Onto midfield, Well on the right, Bennett is excellent, I genuinely think he’s one of the best players I’ve seen in an Albion shirt, so no need for improvement there. Central midfield, and we’ve got Radostin the beast, who has impressed me a lot, Bridcutt who I LOVE- I think Gus has pulled a blinder there. Dicker and Sparrow are good, and Agustin keeps the flair quota up. Left midfield? Well, Noone sounds like he’s going to make a massive difference, and maybe Kazenga will return? That’d be amazing, and of course there’s the penalty king, Cristian Baz.
Upfront? Well, Glenn is, in my view, irreplaceable. If you look at some of these prices being bounded around for the likes of Charlie Austin, Adam Le fondre, Aaron McLean, then £300k for Murray was a real bargain, I really hope he doesn’t leave for a long time. Ashley Barnes is good enough, he’ll get goals and I’m starting to believe the hype there. Then we have our two flairnaics. Super Fran plays football like a retarded horse, but seems to be in the right place at the right time- ALL the time. Chris Wood, well, he’s from New Zealand, so enough said there.
So what do we actually NEED? Well, another striker is a decent shout, apart from that I think our first XI is brilliant, so maybe just some back up players? There’s talk of Craig Mackail-Smith, Charlie Austin and the like.....that kind of player would see us kill this division, and there’s talk of some Spanish guy called “Quini”, obviously I’d wet my pants if that happened.
So that’s it for this month, sorry if it’s been uneventful, join me next month for the Transfer Window REVIEW
Viva La Revolucion!
belated tslr articles- dec
Flairwatch
by Tom Stewart
An ode to Francisco
I know I say this a lot, but I have fallen in love. As I watch his tall frame flowing majestically around Gigg Lane, like a Ballet dancer or Torvill and Dean, I can’t control the strong erotic feelings pumping through my body and one word can be heard whispering on the wind.....”Francisco”
You see, to us real Flairniacs, a Spanish striker is a dream come true......it’s the pinnacle of flairitude. He has everything. Long hair, white boots, gloves, one of those silly scarf things, he nearly quit football to become a POLICEMAN and best of all- he’s played in SCOTLAND.
I love him watching him play....he plays a bit like a child, but a really big child. He has little to no co-ordination and often operates solely in headless chicken mode, he isn’t particularly good in the air for a man his size, he’s quick in a really weird way that isn’t actually that useful. BUT, as Gus has said before, his positioning is superb, and he will often be in the right place at the right time- a “fox in the box” if you will, or “zorro en el cuadro” in Spanish.
Francisco just offers us something different to our other strikers. Barnes is a decent goalscorer (despite his critics he IS our top scorer), but actually offers very little apart from that. In my view, if he doesn’t score in a game, he won’t actually offer ANYTHING else to the team. Glenn is superb and will never receive criticism from me. But I always see him more as a classic “number 10” type striker. Just off the main man, linking up well and generally being a flairy nuisance. Murray has also improved his work rate a lot since Gus arrived, and is actually very useful when defending set pieces. Gary Hart is, well, Gary Hart. It’s now what? Sixty games since he scored a goal? He’ll work hard, everyone knows that and he can’t be faulted in that department, but I’m just a wee bit confused as to why he’s actually still with us? That may sound harsh but it’s more from his point of view. There is definitely a level of football where Hart would be an excellent player, would play most games and probably score a fair amount of goals. Why is he happy just coming off the bench every now and again for us? I know I wouldn’t be.
Other players i’ve been impressed by lately? Well firstly, obvious players (Bennett, Painter, Calderon, Dicker etc.) aside, I’m a big fan of Liam Bridcutt. I’ve not really seen his type of player at the club before. He’s great at spraying the ball around, and is generally very comfortable in possession. He can defend a bit, and is certainly not afraid of a tackle. He’ll make the odd mistake here and there, he’s young afterall, but he’s a very viable alternative to the excellent Gary Dicker in my view, plus his style of play is very ANDREA PIRLO, which is obviously flair. Shame he’s not foreign really.
That’s all for me this month my lovelies, hope you enjoy Francisco as much as I do.
by Tom Stewart
An ode to Francisco
I know I say this a lot, but I have fallen in love. As I watch his tall frame flowing majestically around Gigg Lane, like a Ballet dancer or Torvill and Dean, I can’t control the strong erotic feelings pumping through my body and one word can be heard whispering on the wind.....”Francisco”
You see, to us real Flairniacs, a Spanish striker is a dream come true......it’s the pinnacle of flairitude. He has everything. Long hair, white boots, gloves, one of those silly scarf things, he nearly quit football to become a POLICEMAN and best of all- he’s played in SCOTLAND.
I love him watching him play....he plays a bit like a child, but a really big child. He has little to no co-ordination and often operates solely in headless chicken mode, he isn’t particularly good in the air for a man his size, he’s quick in a really weird way that isn’t actually that useful. BUT, as Gus has said before, his positioning is superb, and he will often be in the right place at the right time- a “fox in the box” if you will, or “zorro en el cuadro” in Spanish.
Francisco just offers us something different to our other strikers. Barnes is a decent goalscorer (despite his critics he IS our top scorer), but actually offers very little apart from that. In my view, if he doesn’t score in a game, he won’t actually offer ANYTHING else to the team. Glenn is superb and will never receive criticism from me. But I always see him more as a classic “number 10” type striker. Just off the main man, linking up well and generally being a flairy nuisance. Murray has also improved his work rate a lot since Gus arrived, and is actually very useful when defending set pieces. Gary Hart is, well, Gary Hart. It’s now what? Sixty games since he scored a goal? He’ll work hard, everyone knows that and he can’t be faulted in that department, but I’m just a wee bit confused as to why he’s actually still with us? That may sound harsh but it’s more from his point of view. There is definitely a level of football where Hart would be an excellent player, would play most games and probably score a fair amount of goals. Why is he happy just coming off the bench every now and again for us? I know I wouldn’t be.
Other players i’ve been impressed by lately? Well firstly, obvious players (Bennett, Painter, Calderon, Dicker etc.) aside, I’m a big fan of Liam Bridcutt. I’ve not really seen his type of player at the club before. He’s great at spraying the ball around, and is generally very comfortable in possession. He can defend a bit, and is certainly not afraid of a tackle. He’ll make the odd mistake here and there, he’s young afterall, but he’s a very viable alternative to the excellent Gary Dicker in my view, plus his style of play is very ANDREA PIRLO, which is obviously flair. Shame he’s not foreign really.
That’s all for me this month my lovelies, hope you enjoy Francisco as much as I do.
Friday, 26 November 2010
belated tslr articles- nov
Flairwatch
By Tom Stewart
I want to marry Gus Poyet. There, I’ve said it. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love that man. I want his babies, I want to make him his packed lunch, I want to go for long walks in the countryside, I’d buy that man a Unicorn- that’s how much I love him.
He’s just amazing isn’t he? I mean, I’m not sure I've ever been this happy supporting the Albion. We’re absolutely destroying everything in our path, it’s just too easy.
We’re INSANELY flair. We must be the most contiMental team outside the Premiership. The way we absolutely spray the ball around, forcing our opponents to chase shadows all game, I mean, EIGHTY per cent possession is just obscene. I’m convinced this is all some kind of erotic dream.
Comparison’s with Arsenal are rife, and it’s clear to see why. We both have intelligent foreign managers who like things done their own way (note Poyet’s ambition to get our youth team playing in an equally flair manner), both Wenger and Poyet like to protect their own players in the media and both love foreign players.
Poyet’s love of foreign players is really pleasing me. Especially as some of them are actually quite good. Calderon is definitely my favourite (I’d like to proudly reveal that it was I who invented the nickname “the matador”). Watching his long flowing locks rampaging up and down the right flank is simply a joy to behold. Also, has anyone else noticed how all opposing fans seem to absolutely despise him? It’s amazing how much he appears to wind up everyone, a definite flair attribute. My favourite thing about him is that he ALWAYS seems to be seen out and about with our two Argentinians, like he’s their Dad or something. Baz and Battipiedi are really exciting me lately. When they were signed I had hopes for both of them, and they’re both showing signs of being pretty darn good players, as they gradually adapt to the English game.
One thing that is worrying me slightly, however, and I do apologise for possibly putting a dampener on our euphoria, is the thought of our flairtastic passing game getting ruined by horrible League 1 winter pitches. Our style of play should be gracing the finest arenas known to man, not getting bogged down at some northern hell hole. It might not be an issue at all, as Gus is a clever man and a brilliant tactician, and he always seems to have a decent plan b, I just think it’s a shame that our superior style of football will ultimately suffer. Also, there’s the possibility that some of our flairniac players won’t like the winter. Memories of Paul Brooker are flooding back to me. That man was absolutely useless every winter, almost without fail, but put him on a decent pitch in the summer, and he’d run rings around full backs. It was like two completley different players. Could Kaz be the new Brooker?
Anyway, that’s all for me this month, take care disciples.
By Tom Stewart
I want to marry Gus Poyet. There, I’ve said it. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love that man. I want his babies, I want to make him his packed lunch, I want to go for long walks in the countryside, I’d buy that man a Unicorn- that’s how much I love him.
He’s just amazing isn’t he? I mean, I’m not sure I've ever been this happy supporting the Albion. We’re absolutely destroying everything in our path, it’s just too easy.
We’re INSANELY flair. We must be the most contiMental team outside the Premiership. The way we absolutely spray the ball around, forcing our opponents to chase shadows all game, I mean, EIGHTY per cent possession is just obscene. I’m convinced this is all some kind of erotic dream.
Comparison’s with Arsenal are rife, and it’s clear to see why. We both have intelligent foreign managers who like things done their own way (note Poyet’s ambition to get our youth team playing in an equally flair manner), both Wenger and Poyet like to protect their own players in the media and both love foreign players.
Poyet’s love of foreign players is really pleasing me. Especially as some of them are actually quite good. Calderon is definitely my favourite (I’d like to proudly reveal that it was I who invented the nickname “the matador”). Watching his long flowing locks rampaging up and down the right flank is simply a joy to behold. Also, has anyone else noticed how all opposing fans seem to absolutely despise him? It’s amazing how much he appears to wind up everyone, a definite flair attribute. My favourite thing about him is that he ALWAYS seems to be seen out and about with our two Argentinians, like he’s their Dad or something. Baz and Battipiedi are really exciting me lately. When they were signed I had hopes for both of them, and they’re both showing signs of being pretty darn good players, as they gradually adapt to the English game.
One thing that is worrying me slightly, however, and I do apologise for possibly putting a dampener on our euphoria, is the thought of our flairtastic passing game getting ruined by horrible League 1 winter pitches. Our style of play should be gracing the finest arenas known to man, not getting bogged down at some northern hell hole. It might not be an issue at all, as Gus is a clever man and a brilliant tactician, and he always seems to have a decent plan b, I just think it’s a shame that our superior style of football will ultimately suffer. Also, there’s the possibility that some of our flairniac players won’t like the winter. Memories of Paul Brooker are flooding back to me. That man was absolutely useless every winter, almost without fail, but put him on a decent pitch in the summer, and he’d run rings around full backs. It was like two completley different players. Could Kaz be the new Brooker?
Anyway, that’s all for me this month, take care disciples.
belated tslr articles- oct
Flairwatch
By Tom Stewart
Hello fans, a busy month has been had by all down here at flair towers HQ.
I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am about the Gus Bus being on an inevitable path of destruction towards the Championship. Wait, no, not the Championship, the CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!
HOWEVER, i do have several complaints.
As a connoisseur of flair, I would like to remind you all what actually constitutes flair.
-Preferably foreign (Federico Turienzo)
-Possible underachievement of some sort (ie Lee Hendrie)
-Alternative career of interest (Stephen Bywater- Cage fighter/erotic artist)
-Drug/Alcohol/Sex/General Scandal (Roman Bednar)
It is point two that i take issue with. In my mind, Gus just isn’t doing enough to help us underachieve. What’s all this top of the league, playing great football nonsense?! In my mind he has sold out on his flair values and has betrayed flairniacs everywhere.
True flairniacs, or “Original” Flairniacs as they’re known, don’t demand success on the pitch, all they crave is flair players, in white boots, alice bands who underachieve. The flairest team of all time, in my view, is Kevin Keegans 1995-96 Newcastle side. This was a team who paid little to no attention to defence whatsoever. They had the ultimate choice of goalkeeper- Pavel Srnicek or Shaka Hislop. They had Phillipe Albert. They had Peter Beardsley. They had Faustino Asprilla, and of course, They had David Ginola.
However, this team would’ve been nothing in the flair world were it not for the complete capitulation that they managed to pull off. I’m not sure anyone has collapsed in such style. The Toon were 12 points clear at the top of the table, before a dramatic loss of form saw them lose out on the title on the last game of the season. During this time, Keegan completely lost the plot, refusing to strengthen they obviously weak defence and instead splashing out on erratic striker Asprilla.
Not only was this a collapse of epic proportions, it also raised expectation levels on Tyneside to monumental proportions, meaning that no manager has ever been able to match Keegan’s accomplishments. Newcastle do, however, consistently perform in the race for the flair title.
An example of a club selling out on it’s flair ethics is, and this has a link to Gus, Chelsea.
In the late 90’s/early 00’s, Chelsea were a cosmopolitan, swashbuckling flair unit. The likes of Poyet, Gianfranco Zola, Gianluca Vialli, Roberto Di Matteo, Jody Morris, Frank The Beef, Marcel, Ed De Gohjakhkjfaknfanf and of course, Tore Andre Flo lit up Stamford Bridge with a combination of beautiful football and regular defeats to rubbish teams. This was fine, they were cool, they were sexy, they were fabulous. But something went wrong somewhere along the line. Almost overnight Chelsea, under the management of an uber-flair boss, turned into an efficient, well oiled, negative victory machine. Sound familiar? They quickly became the most hated team in the land as they swept aside all before them. My only hope is that the same doesn’t happen to us. I want us to be admired, but in a sympathetic flair way (think Arsenal), not feared and loathed.
Anyway, thank you for reading my words of Wisdom
Your Eternal Leader,
Tom Stewart
By Tom Stewart
Hello fans, a busy month has been had by all down here at flair towers HQ.
I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am about the Gus Bus being on an inevitable path of destruction towards the Championship. Wait, no, not the Championship, the CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!
HOWEVER, i do have several complaints.
As a connoisseur of flair, I would like to remind you all what actually constitutes flair.
-Preferably foreign (Federico Turienzo)
-Possible underachievement of some sort (ie Lee Hendrie)
-Alternative career of interest (Stephen Bywater- Cage fighter/erotic artist)
-Drug/Alcohol/Sex/General Scandal (Roman Bednar)
It is point two that i take issue with. In my mind, Gus just isn’t doing enough to help us underachieve. What’s all this top of the league, playing great football nonsense?! In my mind he has sold out on his flair values and has betrayed flairniacs everywhere.
True flairniacs, or “Original” Flairniacs as they’re known, don’t demand success on the pitch, all they crave is flair players, in white boots, alice bands who underachieve. The flairest team of all time, in my view, is Kevin Keegans 1995-96 Newcastle side. This was a team who paid little to no attention to defence whatsoever. They had the ultimate choice of goalkeeper- Pavel Srnicek or Shaka Hislop. They had Phillipe Albert. They had Peter Beardsley. They had Faustino Asprilla, and of course, They had David Ginola.
However, this team would’ve been nothing in the flair world were it not for the complete capitulation that they managed to pull off. I’m not sure anyone has collapsed in such style. The Toon were 12 points clear at the top of the table, before a dramatic loss of form saw them lose out on the title on the last game of the season. During this time, Keegan completely lost the plot, refusing to strengthen they obviously weak defence and instead splashing out on erratic striker Asprilla.
Not only was this a collapse of epic proportions, it also raised expectation levels on Tyneside to monumental proportions, meaning that no manager has ever been able to match Keegan’s accomplishments. Newcastle do, however, consistently perform in the race for the flair title.
An example of a club selling out on it’s flair ethics is, and this has a link to Gus, Chelsea.
In the late 90’s/early 00’s, Chelsea were a cosmopolitan, swashbuckling flair unit. The likes of Poyet, Gianfranco Zola, Gianluca Vialli, Roberto Di Matteo, Jody Morris, Frank The Beef, Marcel, Ed De Gohjakhkjfaknfanf and of course, Tore Andre Flo lit up Stamford Bridge with a combination of beautiful football and regular defeats to rubbish teams. This was fine, they were cool, they were sexy, they were fabulous. But something went wrong somewhere along the line. Almost overnight Chelsea, under the management of an uber-flair boss, turned into an efficient, well oiled, negative victory machine. Sound familiar? They quickly became the most hated team in the land as they swept aside all before them. My only hope is that the same doesn’t happen to us. I want us to be admired, but in a sympathetic flair way (think Arsenal), not feared and loathed.
Anyway, thank you for reading my words of Wisdom
Your Eternal Leader,
Tom Stewart
belated tslr articles- sept
FLAIRWATCH
by tom stewart
Greetings disciples.
Anyway, what a few weeks it has been! Starting this season off with a barrage of ill discipline and schoolboy errors meant that our status as the flair kings of League 1 was looking to stay intact. Apart from that though, was anyone else a trifle bit disappointed with our progress on the flair signings? What on earth happened to Diego Camacho?! He fitted the bill perfectly. However, Gus, not one to disappoint whipped two beauties out of the bag. Kazenga LuaLua rejoins us on loan to pace the shit out of any right back unfortunate to get in his path and, best of all, all of my prayers have been answered, FINALLY a latino striker has joined!
Francisco Sandaza has got me all flustered, could he be the one to rid me of my lust for Federico? There was a time that I thought that no man could ever compare, could ever compete with my Fed. But I feel that Franco el Tanco could exorcise a few demons for me.
He’s made me go all nostalgic so I reckon it would be appropriate to unveil my WITHDEAN FLAIR ALLSTAR XI........(including opponents)
So, starting with the boss....well, this is a tough one so i’ve gone for a power share between Mark McGhee and Gus Poyet. These two fine gentleman have been responsible for bringing some of the Albions finest ever flair hero’s, without them, i’d be nothing and I owe my life to them.
So who would these two legends choose as their custodian? Well, they both like a foreigner, and they both like to pack as many ethnicity's into a roster as possible. So all time flair icon Michel Kuipers will start between the sticks, before being replaced by former Portsmouth ‘keeper Yoshi Kawaguchi at half time. Kawaguchi was an unused substitute against the Albion in a 1-1 draw, but watching him warm up was a dream come true.
So who’s playing infront of them? Former Plymouth stopper, Taribo West is an ideal candidate. As a 93-year old the Nigerian international made his Withdean bow in style and will captain this side. McGhee was a fan of playing players out of position, so Paul Ince, Sebastien Carole and Nick Ward will join West in defence.
Infront of them, who else but Steve Melton? He would operate as a continental style withdrawn playmaker, bossing the midfield and controlling the tempo. Stoke’s Peter Hoekstra shares the left midfield role with South Korean superstar “Seol” and Doudou, with each man playing 30 minutes each. Gary McAllister partners Melton in central midfield with Warren Aspinall rampaging up and down the right flank
“Yeah, that all sounds great Tom, but where are the goals coming from?” Well, Turienzo obviously starts upfront, but who to partner him with? Well, Mcghee and Poyet have gone for the extreme tactic of introducing a power sharing procedure, where 9 superstars will play 10 minutes each. These nine are Colin Kazim-Richards, Leroy Lita, Mark McGhee, Leon Knight, Dirk Lehmann, Georges Santos, Yakubu, James Beattie and Dave Beasant
So there we have it, perhaps the greatest line up the world has ever seen, or will see.
See you soon comrade, VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
by tom stewart
Greetings disciples.
Anyway, what a few weeks it has been! Starting this season off with a barrage of ill discipline and schoolboy errors meant that our status as the flair kings of League 1 was looking to stay intact. Apart from that though, was anyone else a trifle bit disappointed with our progress on the flair signings? What on earth happened to Diego Camacho?! He fitted the bill perfectly. However, Gus, not one to disappoint whipped two beauties out of the bag. Kazenga LuaLua rejoins us on loan to pace the shit out of any right back unfortunate to get in his path and, best of all, all of my prayers have been answered, FINALLY a latino striker has joined!
Francisco Sandaza has got me all flustered, could he be the one to rid me of my lust for Federico? There was a time that I thought that no man could ever compare, could ever compete with my Fed. But I feel that Franco el Tanco could exorcise a few demons for me.
He’s made me go all nostalgic so I reckon it would be appropriate to unveil my WITHDEAN FLAIR ALLSTAR XI........(including opponents)
So, starting with the boss....well, this is a tough one so i’ve gone for a power share between Mark McGhee and Gus Poyet. These two fine gentleman have been responsible for bringing some of the Albions finest ever flair hero’s, without them, i’d be nothing and I owe my life to them.
So who would these two legends choose as their custodian? Well, they both like a foreigner, and they both like to pack as many ethnicity's into a roster as possible. So all time flair icon Michel Kuipers will start between the sticks, before being replaced by former Portsmouth ‘keeper Yoshi Kawaguchi at half time. Kawaguchi was an unused substitute against the Albion in a 1-1 draw, but watching him warm up was a dream come true.
So who’s playing infront of them? Former Plymouth stopper, Taribo West is an ideal candidate. As a 93-year old the Nigerian international made his Withdean bow in style and will captain this side. McGhee was a fan of playing players out of position, so Paul Ince, Sebastien Carole and Nick Ward will join West in defence.
Infront of them, who else but Steve Melton? He would operate as a continental style withdrawn playmaker, bossing the midfield and controlling the tempo. Stoke’s Peter Hoekstra shares the left midfield role with South Korean superstar “Seol” and Doudou, with each man playing 30 minutes each. Gary McAllister partners Melton in central midfield with Warren Aspinall rampaging up and down the right flank
“Yeah, that all sounds great Tom, but where are the goals coming from?” Well, Turienzo obviously starts upfront, but who to partner him with? Well, Mcghee and Poyet have gone for the extreme tactic of introducing a power sharing procedure, where 9 superstars will play 10 minutes each. These nine are Colin Kazim-Richards, Leroy Lita, Mark McGhee, Leon Knight, Dirk Lehmann, Georges Santos, Yakubu, James Beattie and Dave Beasant
So there we have it, perhaps the greatest line up the world has ever seen, or will see.
See you soon comrade, VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
belated tslr articles- august
Flairwatch
by tom stewart
Greetings comrades, I hope you have enjoyed your summers and are raring to go for another 10 months of joy/agony as Gus Poyet’s Flair Orchestra destroy/get destroyed by League One.
Regardless of whether we live up to the lofty expectations and enable us to open Falmer, sorry, The American Express Community Stadium, with Championship football, there is no denying that we are going to be League One’s flair side, and for today’s Flairwatch I aim to examine, in true Donal McIntyre style, the reasons for this.
Let’s start at the very top- look at our ruddy ground! Withdean Stadium is clearly the flairest stadium in League 1. For a start it has SIX stands, five of which are temporary, Gok Wan would be proud of it due to it’s ability to “ACCESSORISE GIRLFRIEND” with a long jump pit, running track etc. and it’s next to a NATURE RESERVE. Whilst we might all hate it due to it being depressing, horrible etc., I for one carry a bizarre fondness for the place. Leaving it will feel a bit like a funeral of a close relative (perhaps Brother) who was a really horrible person (perhaps mass murderer). You’re obviously sad to see him/her go, but really you know it’s for the best.
Next on our list is our management team. No League 1 outfit can come close to matching us on this front (perhaps Exeter City actually). Having a Uruguayan/Argentinian manager/assistant puts us ahead straight away regardless of the individual personalities of the men. But Gus’ broad grin and chiseled jawline coupled with endless stereotypical South American gesticulating, and Tarrico’s coy little face with his flowing locks make them the ultimate flair management duo.
But a flair management team would be nothing without flair players, and boy, have we gone to town on this front. The signs were good last season with the likes of Calderon and LuaLua coming in, and Gus has not disappointed this summer. Never in my wildest, erotic dreams did I envisage so many nationalities at the Albion. We’ve got Eastern Europe sewn up with our Slovakian netminder and our mega-capped Bulgarian, plus not to mention our “Austrian” striker, Ashley Barnes. Latino stallions are represented by super icon Inigo Calderon’s return PLUS the insanely exciting arrival of not one, but TWO Argentinians. I have yet to see the duo in action, but i’m hoping that Battipiedi is a proper Argentinian central midfielder (ie. utter FILTH) and Baz is a flairmongous Latino winger, with an Arsenal of tricks and diving. We also have a Scotsman who looks like the Fonz and we’ve had several potential flair icons on trial, including a Norwegian Luke Chadwick tribute act.
With more signings possibly on the way, the future is looking bright on the flair front. Poyet has made it perfectly clear that he wants to win, but in style, which suits us perfectly fine, comrades.
by tom stewart
Greetings comrades, I hope you have enjoyed your summers and are raring to go for another 10 months of joy/agony as Gus Poyet’s Flair Orchestra destroy/get destroyed by League One.
Regardless of whether we live up to the lofty expectations and enable us to open Falmer, sorry, The American Express Community Stadium, with Championship football, there is no denying that we are going to be League One’s flair side, and for today’s Flairwatch I aim to examine, in true Donal McIntyre style, the reasons for this.
Let’s start at the very top- look at our ruddy ground! Withdean Stadium is clearly the flairest stadium in League 1. For a start it has SIX stands, five of which are temporary, Gok Wan would be proud of it due to it’s ability to “ACCESSORISE GIRLFRIEND” with a long jump pit, running track etc. and it’s next to a NATURE RESERVE. Whilst we might all hate it due to it being depressing, horrible etc., I for one carry a bizarre fondness for the place. Leaving it will feel a bit like a funeral of a close relative (perhaps Brother) who was a really horrible person (perhaps mass murderer). You’re obviously sad to see him/her go, but really you know it’s for the best.
Next on our list is our management team. No League 1 outfit can come close to matching us on this front (perhaps Exeter City actually). Having a Uruguayan/Argentinian manager/assistant puts us ahead straight away regardless of the individual personalities of the men. But Gus’ broad grin and chiseled jawline coupled with endless stereotypical South American gesticulating, and Tarrico’s coy little face with his flowing locks make them the ultimate flair management duo.
But a flair management team would be nothing without flair players, and boy, have we gone to town on this front. The signs were good last season with the likes of Calderon and LuaLua coming in, and Gus has not disappointed this summer. Never in my wildest, erotic dreams did I envisage so many nationalities at the Albion. We’ve got Eastern Europe sewn up with our Slovakian netminder and our mega-capped Bulgarian, plus not to mention our “Austrian” striker, Ashley Barnes. Latino stallions are represented by super icon Inigo Calderon’s return PLUS the insanely exciting arrival of not one, but TWO Argentinians. I have yet to see the duo in action, but i’m hoping that Battipiedi is a proper Argentinian central midfielder (ie. utter FILTH) and Baz is a flairmongous Latino winger, with an Arsenal of tricks and diving. We also have a Scotsman who looks like the Fonz and we’ve had several potential flair icons on trial, including a Norwegian Luke Chadwick tribute act.
With more signings possibly on the way, the future is looking bright on the flair front. Poyet has made it perfectly clear that he wants to win, but in style, which suits us perfectly fine, comrades.
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