Flairwatch-UK

belated tslr articles- feb

2011-02-10T20:48:00.001Z

Flairwatch

by Tom Stewart

Greeting disciples. Another month passes, and it was a quiet one on the flair front. January transfer windows have often been a period of flairstivities for Albion managers, but this month it was not to be.......I mean, how do you improve on perfection? Not easily, is the answer....and we seem to have left the Premiership to own the flair spotlight for now, as my ultimate hero, Andy Carroll, becomes (quite rightly) the seventh most expensive player IN THE WORLD EVER. The only flair we have to look forward to is the possibility of ultra flairniac Emmanuel Ledesma possibility jumping aboard the flairboat.
Anyway, with an uneventful window behind us, it’s time to look back at a period in the clubs history that some onlookers described as the “Golden Age o’Flair”.
That’s right, I’m of course talking about Mark McGhee’s time in charge of the club. McGhee took charge in 2003, after Steve Coppel left for Reading. He had a decent pedigree at that level, having had decent spells at Reading and Millwall, amongst others. His task was to help the Albion return to the Championship, which he did via the play-offs, via an epic battle with a Rory Fallon inspired Swindon Town, and Christian Roberts’ Bristol City.
But it wasn’t until we reached the Championship that McGhee unleashed “Project Flair”. The standard of flairniacs that he brought to the club throughout the next two and a bit years is almost beyond belief: Florent Chaigneau; Rami Shaaban; Wayne Henderson; Alexis Nicolas; Sebastien Carole; Alexandre Frutos; Darren Currie; Maheta Molango; Georges Santos; Colin Kazim-Richards; Mark McCammon; Albert Jarrett, and of course- Federico Turienzo.
We’re a much different club then to what we are....let’s be honest, we were an utter shambles (no disrespect to Dick Knight). We were skint, Falmer seemed a million miles away.......but we still managed to hold our own in the Championship. For one season atleast.
The unlikely goalscoring feats of Adam Virgo, a tight defence, a combatitive midfield and some wins against big clubs helped us achieve 20th place- our highest league position in years.
But it was our second year where Project Flair really came into fruitition. Chaigneau, Carole and Frutos arrived from France with good reputations. A Coca-Cola sponsored competition was won by Brighton fan Aaron Berry, and the proceeds were used to secure the signing of exciting, yet temperamental and inconstant Colin Kazim-Richards. Added to that, a mysterious Argentinian going by the name of Federico Turienzo was signed for the unfeasibly high sum of £150k.
The season was a complete disaster. Mcghee completely lost the plot in the flairest Keeganesque way possible. Constant bickering with the likes of Leon Knight, Mark McCammon and Michel Kuipers.......with a reported RACIAL DIVIDE in the squad. Inconsistency throughout the season and under performance from the likes of Kazim-Richards saw the club relegated without putting up much of a fight. One of McGhee’s trademarks was labelling some league games as unimportant, culminating in one farcical night in Luton (which is bad enough as it is), with the completely adject front line of McCammon and Turienzo.

That season was the flairest that I can remember, and in true Newcastle style, it’s taken us YEARS to recover.

Mark Mcghee- I salute you.

belated tslr articles- jan

2011-02-10T20:47:00.000Z

Flairwatch

by tom stewart

Happy new year flairniacs!

Everyone here at Flair HQ trusts that you had a wonderful festive period, and are looking forward to Two Thousand and FLAIRleven.

The January transfer window is a period in which all true flairniacs can not fail to lick their lips with excitement. A whole month of pure transfer speculation, with wild rumours flying all over the place. Are we really going to see Mikael Forsell partner Robbie Fowler upfront in the blue and white stripes? No, of course not (although Forsell is a viable rumour in my view).

However, here is my personal wish list.

Goalkeepers? We’re pretty much sorted there aren’t we? Casper is superb AND has moments of true flair, with his punches and time wasting, and sexy Pete looks good in trousers, so I’m happy with him as a back up, so I’m happy in that department.

Defenders? Well, Inigo is my favourite player on earth, and Marcos is just superb. But we could possibly do with a bit of back up. The fact that Tano plays for us every now and again is just brilliant, and I guess Radostin can do a job as back up, but maybe someone a bit younger as back up? Not too high up on our priority list, but maybe something to think about in the future. As for centre backs, well we’re definitely fine there.......maybe a mental Uruguayan? Maybe I’m being selfish.

Onto midfield, Well on the right, Bennett is excellent, I genuinely think he’s one of the best players I’ve seen in an Albion shirt, so no need for improvement there. Central midfield, and we’ve got Radostin the beast, who has impressed me a lot, Bridcutt who I LOVE- I think Gus has pulled a blinder there. Dicker and Sparrow are good, and Agustin keeps the flair quota up. Left midfield? Well, Noone sounds like he’s going to make a massive difference, and maybe Kazenga will return? That’d be amazing, and of course there’s the penalty king, Cristian Baz.

Upfront? Well, Glenn is, in my view, irreplaceable. If you look at some of these prices being bounded around for the likes of Charlie Austin, Adam Le fondre, Aaron McLean, then £300k for Murray was a real bargain, I really hope he doesn’t leave for a long time. Ashley Barnes is good enough, he’ll get goals and I’m starting to believe the hype there. Then we have our two flairnaics. Super Fran plays football like a retarded horse, but seems to be in the right place at the right time- ALL the time. Chris Wood, well, he’s from New Zealand, so enough said there.

So what do we actually NEED? Well, another striker is a decent shout, apart from that I think our first XI is brilliant, so maybe just some back up players? There’s talk of Craig Mackail-Smith, Charlie Austin and the like.....that kind of player would see us kill this division, and there’s talk of some Spanish guy called “Quini”, obviously I’d wet my pants if that happened.

So that’s it for this month, sorry if it’s been uneventful, join me next month for the Transfer Window REVIEW

Viva La Revolucion!

belated tslr articles- dec

2011-02-10T20:46:00.000Z

Flairwatch

by Tom Stewart

An ode to Francisco

I know I say this a lot, but I have fallen in love. As I watch his tall frame flowing majestically around Gigg Lane, like a Ballet dancer or Torvill and Dean, I can’t control the strong erotic feelings pumping through my body and one word can be heard whispering on the wind.....”Francisco”

You see, to us real Flairniacs, a Spanish striker is a dream come true......it’s the pinnacle of flairitude. He has everything. Long hair, white boots, gloves, one of those silly scarf things, he nearly quit football to become a POLICEMAN and best of all- he’s played in SCOTLAND.

I love him watching him play....he plays a bit like a child, but a really big child. He has little to no co-ordination and often operates solely in headless chicken mode, he isn’t particularly good in the air for a man his size, he’s quick in a really weird way that isn’t actually that useful. BUT, as Gus has said before, his positioning is superb, and he will often be in the right place at the right time- a “fox in the box” if you will, or “zorro en el cuadro” in Spanish.

Francisco just offers us something different to our other strikers. Barnes is a decent goalscorer (despite his critics he IS our top scorer), but actually offers very little apart from that. In my view, if he doesn’t score in a game, he won’t actually offer ANYTHING else to the team. Glenn is superb and will never receive criticism from me. But I always see him more as a classic “number 10” type striker. Just off the main man, linking up well and generally being a flairy nuisance. Murray has also improved his work rate a lot since Gus arrived, and is actually very useful when defending set pieces. Gary Hart is, well, Gary Hart. It’s now what? Sixty games since he scored a goal? He’ll work hard, everyone knows that and he can’t be faulted in that department, but I’m just a wee bit confused as to why he’s actually still with us? That may sound harsh but it’s more from his point of view. There is definitely a level of football where Hart would be an excellent player, would play most games and probably score a fair amount of goals. Why is he happy just coming off the bench every now and again for us? I know I wouldn’t be.

Other players i’ve been impressed by lately? Well firstly, obvious players (Bennett, Painter, Calderon, Dicker etc.) aside, I’m a big fan of Liam Bridcutt. I’ve not really seen his type of player at the club before. He’s great at spraying the ball around, and is generally very comfortable in possession. He can defend a bit, and is certainly not afraid of a tackle. He’ll make the odd mistake here and there, he’s young afterall, but he’s a very viable alternative to the excellent Gary Dicker in my view, plus his style of play is very ANDREA PIRLO, which is obviously flair. Shame he’s not foreign really.

That’s all for me this month my lovelies, hope you enjoy Francisco as much as I do.

belated tslr articles- nov

2010-11-26T18:42:00.000Z

Flairwatch

By Tom Stewart

I want to marry Gus Poyet. There, I’ve said it. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love that man. I want his babies, I want to make him his packed lunch, I want to go for long walks in the countryside, I’d buy that man a Unicorn- that’s how much I love him.

He’s just amazing isn’t he? I mean, I’m not sure I've ever been this happy supporting the Albion. We’re absolutely destroying everything in our path, it’s just too easy.

We’re INSANELY flair. We must be the most contiMental team outside the Premiership. The way we absolutely spray the ball around, forcing our opponents to chase shadows all game, I mean, EIGHTY per cent possession is just obscene. I’m convinced this is all some kind of erotic dream.

Comparison’s with Arsenal are rife, and it’s clear to see why. We both have intelligent foreign managers who like things done their own way (note Poyet’s ambition to get our youth team playing in an equally flair manner), both Wenger and Poyet like to protect their own players in the media and both love foreign players.

Poyet’s love of foreign players is really pleasing me. Especially as some of them are actually quite good. Calderon is definitely my favourite (I’d like to proudly reveal that it was I who invented the nickname “the matador”). Watching his long flowing locks rampaging up and down the right flank is simply a joy to behold. Also, has anyone else noticed how all opposing fans seem to absolutely despise him? It’s amazing how much he appears to wind up everyone, a definite flair attribute. My favourite thing about him is that he ALWAYS seems to be seen out and about with our two Argentinians, like he’s their Dad or something. Baz and Battipiedi are really exciting me lately. When they were signed I had hopes for both of them, and they’re both showing signs of being pretty darn good players, as they gradually adapt to the English game.

One thing that is worrying me slightly, however, and I do apologise for possibly putting a dampener on our euphoria, is the thought of our flairtastic passing game getting ruined by horrible League 1 winter pitches. Our style of play should be gracing the finest arenas known to man, not getting bogged down at some northern hell hole. It might not be an issue at all, as Gus is a clever man and a brilliant tactician, and he always seems to have a decent plan b, I just think it’s a shame that our superior style of football will ultimately suffer. Also, there’s the possibility that some of our flairniac players won’t like the winter. Memories of Paul Brooker are flooding back to me. That man was absolutely useless every winter, almost without fail, but put him on a decent pitch in the summer, and he’d run rings around full backs. It was like two completley different players. Could Kaz be the new Brooker?

Anyway, that’s all for me this month, take care disciples.

belated tslr articles- oct

2010-11-26T18:41:00.000Z

Flairwatch

By Tom Stewart

Hello fans, a busy month has been had by all down here at flair towers HQ.

I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am about the Gus Bus being on an inevitable path of destruction towards the Championship. Wait, no, not the Championship, the CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!

HOWEVER, i do have several complaints.

As a connoisseur of flair, I would like to remind you all what actually constitutes flair.

-Preferably foreign (Federico Turienzo)
-Possible underachievement of some sort (ie Lee Hendrie)
-Alternative career of interest (Stephen Bywater- Cage fighter/erotic artist)
-Drug/Alcohol/Sex/General Scandal (Roman Bednar)

It is point two that i take issue with. In my mind, Gus just isn’t doing enough to help us underachieve. What’s all this top of the league, playing great football nonsense?! In my mind he has sold out on his flair values and has betrayed flairniacs everywhere.

True flairniacs, or “Original” Flairniacs as they’re known, don’t demand success on the pitch, all they crave is flair players, in white boots, alice bands who underachieve. The flairest team of all time, in my view, is Kevin Keegans 1995-96 Newcastle side. This was a team who paid little to no attention to defence whatsoever. They had the ultimate choice of goalkeeper- Pavel Srnicek or Shaka Hislop. They had Phillipe Albert. They had Peter Beardsley. They had Faustino Asprilla, and of course, They had David Ginola.

However, this team would’ve been nothing in the flair world were it not for the complete capitulation that they managed to pull off. I’m not sure anyone has collapsed in such style. The Toon were 12 points clear at the top of the table, before a dramatic loss of form saw them lose out on the title on the last game of the season. During this time, Keegan completely lost the plot, refusing to strengthen they obviously weak defence and instead splashing out on erratic striker Asprilla.

Not only was this a collapse of epic proportions, it also raised expectation levels on Tyneside to monumental proportions, meaning that no manager has ever been able to match Keegan’s accomplishments. Newcastle do, however, consistently perform in the race for the flair title.

An example of a club selling out on it’s flair ethics is, and this has a link to Gus, Chelsea.

In the late 90’s/early 00’s, Chelsea were a cosmopolitan, swashbuckling flair unit. The likes of Poyet, Gianfranco Zola, Gianluca Vialli, Roberto Di Matteo, Jody Morris, Frank The Beef, Marcel, Ed De Gohjakhkjfaknfanf and of course, Tore Andre Flo lit up Stamford Bridge with a combination of beautiful football and regular defeats to rubbish teams. This was fine, they were cool, they were sexy, they were fabulous. But something went wrong somewhere along the line. Almost overnight Chelsea, under the management of an uber-flair boss, turned into an efficient, well oiled, negative victory machine. Sound familiar? They quickly became the most hated team in the land as they swept aside all before them. My only hope is that the same doesn’t happen to us. I want us to be admired, but in a sympathetic flair way (think Arsenal), not feared and loathed.

Anyway, thank you for reading my words of Wisdom

Your Eternal Leader,
Tom Stewart

belated tslr articles- sept

2010-11-26T18:40:00.002Z

FLAIRWATCH

by tom stewart

Greetings disciples.

Anyway, what a few weeks it has been! Starting this season off with a barrage of ill discipline and schoolboy errors meant that our status as the flair kings of League 1 was looking to stay intact. Apart from that though, was anyone else a trifle bit disappointed with our progress on the flair signings? What on earth happened to Diego Camacho?! He fitted the bill perfectly. However, Gus, not one to disappoint whipped two beauties out of the bag. Kazenga LuaLua rejoins us on loan to pace the shit out of any right back unfortunate to get in his path and, best of all, all of my prayers have been answered, FINALLY a latino striker has joined!

Francisco Sandaza has got me all flustered, could he be the one to rid me of my lust for Federico? There was a time that I thought that no man could ever compare, could ever compete with my Fed. But I feel that Franco el Tanco could exorcise a few demons for me.

He’s made me go all nostalgic so I reckon it would be appropriate to unveil my WITHDEAN FLAIR ALLSTAR XI........(including opponents)

So, starting with the boss....well, this is a tough one so i’ve gone for a power share between Mark McGhee and Gus Poyet. These two fine gentleman have been responsible for bringing some of the Albions finest ever flair hero’s, without them, i’d be nothing and I owe my life to them.

So who would these two legends choose as their custodian? Well, they both like a foreigner, and they both like to pack as many ethnicity's into a roster as possible. So all time flair icon Michel Kuipers will start between the sticks, before being replaced by former Portsmouth ‘keeper Yoshi Kawaguchi at half time. Kawaguchi was an unused substitute against the Albion in a 1-1 draw, but watching him warm up was a dream come true.

So who’s playing infront of them? Former Plymouth stopper, Taribo West is an ideal candidate. As a 93-year old the Nigerian international made his Withdean bow in style and will captain this side. McGhee was a fan of playing players out of position, so Paul Ince, Sebastien Carole and Nick Ward will join West in defence.

Infront of them, who else but Steve Melton? He would operate as a continental style withdrawn playmaker, bossing the midfield and controlling the tempo. Stoke’s Peter Hoekstra shares the left midfield role with South Korean superstar “Seol” and Doudou, with each man playing 30 minutes each. Gary McAllister partners Melton in central midfield with Warren Aspinall rampaging up and down the right flank

“Yeah, that all sounds great Tom, but where are the goals coming from?” Well, Turienzo obviously starts upfront, but who to partner him with? Well, Mcghee and Poyet have gone for the extreme tactic of introducing a power sharing procedure, where 9 superstars will play 10 minutes each. These nine are Colin Kazim-Richards, Leroy Lita, Mark McGhee, Leon Knight, Dirk Lehmann, Georges Santos, Yakubu, James Beattie and Dave Beasant

So there we have it, perhaps the greatest line up the world has ever seen, or will see.

See you soon comrade, VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

belated tslr articles- august

2010-11-26T18:40:00.001Z

Flairwatch

by tom stewart

Greetings comrades, I hope you have enjoyed your summers and are raring to go for another 10 months of joy/agony as Gus Poyet’s Flair Orchestra destroy/get destroyed by League One.

Regardless of whether we live up to the lofty expectations and enable us to open Falmer, sorry, The American Express Community Stadium, with Championship football, there is no denying that we are going to be League One’s flair side, and for today’s Flairwatch I aim to examine, in true Donal McIntyre style, the reasons for this.

Let’s start at the very top- look at our ruddy ground! Withdean Stadium is clearly the flairest stadium in League 1. For a start it has SIX stands, five of which are temporary, Gok Wan would be proud of it due to it’s ability to “ACCESSORISE GIRLFRIEND” with a long jump pit, running track etc. and it’s next to a NATURE RESERVE. Whilst we might all hate it due to it being depressing, horrible etc., I for one carry a bizarre fondness for the place. Leaving it will feel a bit like a funeral of a close relative (perhaps Brother) who was a really horrible person (perhaps mass murderer). You’re obviously sad to see him/her go, but really you know it’s for the best.

Next on our list is our management team. No League 1 outfit can come close to matching us on this front (perhaps Exeter City actually). Having a Uruguayan/Argentinian manager/assistant puts us ahead straight away regardless of the individual personalities of the men. But Gus’ broad grin and chiseled jawline coupled with endless stereotypical South American gesticulating, and Tarrico’s coy little face with his flowing locks make them the ultimate flair management duo.

But a flair management team would be nothing without flair players, and boy, have we gone to town on this front. The signs were good last season with the likes of Calderon and LuaLua coming in, and Gus has not disappointed this summer. Never in my wildest, erotic dreams did I envisage so many nationalities at the Albion. We’ve got Eastern Europe sewn up with our Slovakian netminder and our mega-capped Bulgarian, plus not to mention our “Austrian” striker, Ashley Barnes. Latino stallions are represented by super icon Inigo Calderon’s return PLUS the insanely exciting arrival of not one, but TWO Argentinians. I have yet to see the duo in action, but i’m hoping that Battipiedi is a proper Argentinian central midfielder (ie. utter FILTH) and Baz is a flairmongous Latino winger, with an Arsenal of tricks and diving. We also have a Scotsman who looks like the Fonz and we’ve had several potential flair icons on trial, including a Norwegian Luke Chadwick tribute act.

With more signings possibly on the way, the future is looking bright on the flair front. Poyet has made it perfectly clear that he wants to win, but in style, which suits us perfectly fine, comrades.

Ridiculous Flair Penalty

2010-07-28T23:55:00.002+01:00

This is Ezequiel Calvente of Real Betis scoring for Spain in the recent u-19 European Championships, fitted with standard urban backing track

Top 15 Flairest GOALS ever part 3 (5-1)

2010-07-09T13:44:00.002+01:00

5. Eder, Brazil vs USSR, 1982

The Brazil side of 1982 were possibly the flairest international unit ever. A swashbuckling attitude saw them sweep aside all that came before them, before they imploded against Italy. This goal typifies this side. A little nugget of audacity and extreme skill.

4. Tony Yeboah, Leeds United vs Wimbledon, 1995

For about a month, Tony Yeboah was the greatest player on earth, and this goal shows why. A sustained period of appalling football carries on until Yeboah, lurking around, thinks "oh for GODS SAKE", gets the ball, rampages past two two defenders before striking it harder than i have ever seen before. Incredible.

3. Mauro Bressan, Fiorentina vs Barcelona, 1999

Twenty. Five. Yard. Bicycle. Kick

Who the FUCK is Mauro Bressan?!

2. Matt Le Tissier, Southampton vs Newcastle United, 199...something

Matt Le Tissier is the flairest footballer ever. OPINION. This goal just sums up everything about the man, he could do things that basically no-one else could do and used his flairgical powers to keep the saints in the premiership year after year. Collecting the ball behind him he flicks the ball over one player, and then another, before casually passing it into the bottom corner, the whole thing looked like it took absolutely no effort, like he could do it in his sleep. THAT is why he's so amazing

1. Andres Vasquez, Gothenburg vs Orebro, 2007
Before doing a bit of research, i had NO idea who Andres Vasquez is. Apparently he is a Swedish/Peruvian left midfielder who currently plays for Zurich. But he will never, ever be able to better this goal. A perfect example of a player achieving 100% of what he is capable of. Vasquez picks the ball up on the right side of the box, before, at first glance, just chipping the keeper...however, look again, he performs what is known as a "Rabona Kick" (which i didn't know until now). The likes of Cristiano Ronaldo have used this method to peform crosses and passes, but never from distance into the top corner. What was Vasquez THINKING?!

Top 15 Flairest GOALS ever part 2 (10-6)

2010-07-09T13:24:00.002+01:00

10. Saeed Al-Owairan, Saudi Arabia vs Belgium, 1994

I love solo goals where the scorer appears to have little to no control over what he is doing. This is the case here. Al-Owairan just ran. And ran. And ran. And ran until he found himself yards from goal. A cool finish capped off a great run and Saeed will now be remembered for this goal which saw him labelled "The Maradona of the Arabs" (that's actually true). Al-Owairan lost his hero status when he was convicted of drinking.

9. Georgi Kinkladze, Manchester City vs Southampton, 1996

Little was known of this pint sized trickster when he joined Manchester City in 1995. But 3 glorious years in east Manchester cemented his place in history as "a quite good footballer". This glorious solo effort sums up his career nicely.

8. Archie Gemmill, Scotland vs Netherlands, 1978

A goal known the world over for it's famous appearance in the film Trainspotting. In a match that Scotland, one of the tournaments favourites, had to win by 3 goals in order to progress, and this goal put them 3-1 up and on the brink of glory. Gemmill picked the ball up on the edge of the Dutch box before nutmegging two players, after this he showed great composure to slot the ball past the Dutch keeper. Scotland only won by 1 goal after the men in Oranje pulled a goal back, and failed to progress, Netherlands reached the final before losing in extra time to hosts Argentina

7. Matt Taylor, Portsmouth vs Everton

what the FUCK

6. Manuel Negrete, Mexico vs Bulgaria, 1986

This goal is pure FILTH and should carry a health warning. I have no idea who Manuel Negrete is but for this goal, I love him. Enjoy

Top 15 Flairest GOALS ever part 1 (15-11)

2010-07-09T01:38:00.009+01:00

(In my opinion)

This is a bit of a hard one for me, and i've tried as hard as i could to not confuse "good" with "flair"

To attempt to demonstrate my thought process

This (Milan Baros' goal at roughly 2:40) is flair. For a start, it's an amazing team move.....not by Brazil, or France, or Italy, but by the CZECH REPUBLIC, also look at who scored it......is it Pele? or Van Basten? or Maradona? No, that man lashing the ball home is Milan Baros. Yes, Milan Baros. This is why this is flair.

And this isn't

Yes, it's a superb team goal, but at the end of the day, it's Brazil......what's so special about a great Brazil goal, it happens all the time

So here are my top 15 flair goals (without thinking that much about it)

15. Dalian Atkinson, Aston Villa vs Wimbledon, 1993

This is a superb individual goal by a player who, despite promised much, was fairly average really. Here Dalian, starting off in his own half, dribbles past player after player before casually chipping the 'keeper. The greatest moment of his disappointing career

14. Milan Baros, Czech Republic vs Netherlands, 2004

Euro 2004 was a superb tournament for the Czech Republic. Their attacking 2-1-7 formation took teams by suprise as they strutted to the semi-finals before coming undone against anti-flair elitists, Greece. This goal (2.40 roughly) came in a thrilling 3-2 win over the Netherlands in which the Republic came back from 2-0 down. Blonde mega hero, Pavel Nedved lofts the ball into the "Diabolical Freak" Jan Koller to expertly chest into the path of anti-goal machine Milan Baros who twatted it home. Superb from start to finish.

13. David Ginola, Newcastle United vs Some Foreign Team, 1996 or 97 or something

David was the star man in possible the flairest team ever. He had it all, Coffee adverts, Shampoo adverts,.........everything. (I was actually at this game which is the only reason i remember it)

12. The entire Sengal national Team, Senegal vs Denmark, 2002

It'd be unfair to single out one Senegal player for this goal, because in fairness, they all scored it (it was actually Salif Diao). Senegal made their World Cup debut in 2002 and stunned the world when they defeated champions France 1-0 in the opening game. This superb team goal came in a 1-1 draw with Denmark. They later went on to draw with Uruguay and beating Sweden in the second round before losing heroicly to Turkey in the quarters. It is for this great counter attack goal that they are best remembered for.

11. Eric Cantona, Manchester United vs Sunderland, 1997 or something

Quoi MEC?

Belated TSLR articles, number 2

2010-07-07T16:04:00.002+01:00

And here is the april edition x

FLAIRWATCH

By Tom Stewart

For this months words of wisdom, I thought I'd focus on one of Gus' latest additions to the the Flair Orchestra, aswell as rounding up on a season that has been described as the "Festival of Flair".

Lee Andrew Hendrie was born on the 18th of May, 1977 in Birmingham. A product of the famous Aston Villa youth academy, which has produced the likes of Darius Vassell, Lee quickly shot to fame with a flurry of excellent performances in the Claret & Blue. Whilst at Villa, Hendrie earned his one and only England cap against the Czech Republic. This makes him the Albion's first former England international since sexy Dave Beasant acted as our chief custodian.

Whilst at Stoke, in an ill-tempered clash with Colchester, he swore and spat at home fans after fouling one of their players. In the same game, he asked if Kem Izzet fancied washing his Ferrari.

Lee is also a bit of a casanova. Having married his child-hood sweetheart, the marriage lasted a matter of MINUTES after it was revealed that he had been having a bit of side dish action, whilst neglecting his main course. In this instance, the garlic bread must've been phenomenal, as Lee walked out on his main dish, and ......chips (i couldn't think of anything else that could act as a metaphor for children), and moved in with the garlic bread. The Steak was not happy, and scratched CHILDISH insults such as "prick" and "wanker" into his £60,000 Porsche. After breaking up with the garlic bread, Lee started an a-list celebrity relationship with superstar Jade Goody. A friend of the former Big Brother runner-up stated "“Jade thinks Lee is the best thing since sliced bread because he’s rich and a fit footballer. Something is in the air.”". Hendrie's ex-wife, who is now coming across, as quite frankly, bitter, was quoted as saying “Lee was at it with women even worse looking than Jade while with me, so nothing surprises me." (source: "the sun")

The dream coupling was not to last, however, and as Lee's days at the top dried out, so did his chances with the Ladies.

Hopefully, whilst at the Flair Orchestra, Hendrie can recrapture the form that saw him once described as "quite good". He has hinted that he would like to jump aboard the flairboat, which, to be honest, who wouldn't?

The season started badly in the flair department. As much of a hero as he is, Russell Slade is more efficiant than flair. However, the signings of Bennett, Mark Wright (remember him?) and a Scottish goalkeepers were glimmers of hope. The thrashing at Huddersfield was a particularly highlight, but it wasn't until Poyet and Tarrico started bringing in their own players that the season really took off. Flair icon, Inigo Calderon, is looking like an actual footballer, and Lomana Lua-Lua's brother was another astute addition. A Slovakian Goalkeeper, the return of Seb Carole and Hendrie, (plus Diego "the invisible man" Arismendi) are indications that Poyet knows what the Flairniacs want- he is one of us. Hopefully he can build on this and bring in more players capable of cracking open the Flairrerro Rochers (phrase stolen from Brett Mendoza). Gustavo Poyet is becomming my favourite Human, and all is good on the south coast. People are starting to think like us, Flair Comrades.

My wishlist:
More Uruguayans (in particular centre backs)
A Spanish midfield playmaker
Lua-Lua
Some form of Asian
Calderon

Viva la Revolucion!

Belated TSLR articles, number 1

2010-07-07T15:58:00.002+01:00

Hello disciple! Apologies for not posting much lately, but, World Cup aside, summer is a barren time for flair ramblings. Expect a World Cup FLAIRview next week, however.

Anyway, i completely forgot to post these two articles written for The Seagulls Love Review fanzine. These were in the March and April editions respectively.

First up is my March offering, enjoy

ALBION FLAIRWATCH

By Tom Stewart

When Tony Bloom made the bold step of employing a Uruguayan to lead his army into battle, I greeted the news with uncontrollable excitement. I have, for years, envied clubs with foreign managers. Look at some of the flairest "gaffers" to grace the English game- Jose, Ruud, Gianluca....the list is endless, and now this was happening to US. Dick Knight often seemed scared to go for the flair option- remember Winfried "Winnie" Schäfer? But now we have a man in charge who really understands what the FLAIRNIACS want from life- and that ideal is typified by one man- GUS POYET.
Many FLAIR enthusiasts consider Mark Mcghee's reign as the Albion's first "Flair Reich". Mark was a man who really understood what life was about. His love of foreign players (Turienzo, Molango, Carole, Bertin, Bagayoko etc.) and young English players with appalling attitudes (Knight) was a recipe for FLAIRsaster. Mark also won hands down in the attire department, with his love of White suits, making him a bit of a lady’s man. If truth be told, the style of play during McGhee's Reich was far from Flair in the non-flairniac world, but the real connoisseurs were able to look beyond this and see a man really trying his best. Throwing player's off coaches (not literally), falling out with the clubs top scorer (sound familiar?) and overseeing a reported RACIAL DIVIDE all contributed to a totalitarian flair regime,
Now Gus is leading the Second "Flair Reich". With an Argentinean at his side (Maricio Tarrico- who was an ANIMAL on the pitch), things are looking good. Gus's first major flairchievement was recruiting defensive maestro Inigo Calderon (who is my new hero). Inigo is a rampaging right back and has impressed fans with his play. "The Matador" was originally written off by the anti-flair mafia at the Albion, but even they must've fallen in love with the lovable Basque right-back. Not content with adding "Latino" to our racial quota, Gus landed a major coup, in landing Newcastle winger Kazenga Lua-Lua. "Kaz" is brother of "the dalai-lama of flair", Lomana Lua-Lua, who lit up the Premiership, mainly with Portsmouth. Kazenga has impressed with his rapid pace and trickery thus far, and is close to extending his spell until the end of the season. If you're impressed by those two (I conveniently missed out Sebastien Carole's third spell at the club), then you'll have liquids gushing from your every orifice at Gus' next move. Diego Arismendi is a Uruguayan midfielder, who has won the South American version of the Champion's League AND has played for his national side. Diego moved to Premier League flairists, Stoke City for £2.5m, but had struggled to settle in England. City fans that have been lucky enough to witness his two appearances in the famous Red & White stripes have praised his technical ability. Arismendi became so depressed with life in the midlands that he shaved all his hair off- who can blame him? He was also sent off in a reserve fixture for head butting an opponent. What really caps it off for me is that he forced his neighbour out of their luxury home, after causing them so much grief with his late night partying. Here's hoping he continues this down on the south coast. The fact that he signed for the club because Gus Poyet is his HERO proves that Mr. Bloom made the right choice. Gus seems fairly content with life down here, and for me, is the only man I want leading us out at Falmer (apart from Jose Mourinho or Kevin Keegan obviously), so here’s to a long and successful Second Reich!

**Michel Kuipers Special

2010-05-19T10:31:00.003+01:00

Written by Tom Witham esq.

People often ask me to sum up Michel Kuipers in one word. I can’t. It’s an impossible challenge. The reason for this is that Michel brought so many flair attributes to the albion party for so long. It would be doing the man a great disservice to think his work could be concluded so cheaply and rapidly. But we must now face up to the fact that Michel will no longer be around to pull us through the non-flair times. Just as the country did in 1997 after the death of Princess Diana, and Coronation Street did following the departure of Curly Watts, we must mourn, come to terms and move on. I have decided to put myself on the long road to recovery first by turning my attention to the much-anticipated Michel Kuipers testimonial, expected to take place within the next two years. In order to get your flair buds moist, I’ve put together a dream team of players I believe all true flairniacs would like to see take to the Falmer field as the opposition for the match in question. Each of the players making up the eleven has been specially chosen for a flair attribute they share with the Dutch Bruce Grobbelaar.

1. Goalkeeper

We start with the individual faced with taking on Michel in his own specialist subject – goalkeeping. After much deliberation I believe the man to take up the gloves should be Jens Lehmann, with timewasting cited as his number one Michel attribute. Who will ever forget Jens’ lame attempts to throw the ball over an advertising hoarding some years ago? Or his continual swapping of sides when taking a goal kick? It’s a tough task to out-timewaste Kuipers, but someone has to do it, and Lehmann is that man.

2. Right-back

Rumour has it that in the 1990s with Warren Barton on top of his game on Tyneside, Michel paid a visit to Kevin Keegan’s flair dictatorship to learn the ropes. Warren, perfect gentleman that he is, took the Dutchman under his wing and the pair spent many nights together. Despite being forced to retire after an injury that wasted more talent than George Best’s liver, Warren kept in touch with the albion stopper and mentored him through his career.

3. Left-back

Georgi Kinkladze. He has no link to Michel Kuipers or indeed Brighton and Hove Albion. He’s not even a left-back. But this is a flair team and flair = Georgi. He starts.

4. Centre-back

It’s clear to many of us that one of the major weapons in Michel’s armoury is the colour of his skin. All of the great flair icons are black – Tony Yeboah, Usain Bolt, Cilla, Michael Jackson et al. On this basis I’ve gone for ex-Gillingham stalwart Brent Sancho to marshal the back line.

5. Centre-back

Holland maketh the man. Let’s recognise the nation that gave us Michel by allowing one of his countrymen into our prestigious eleven. I nominate Jaap Stam. Flair attributes I hear you cry? Failed drug test should cover it.

6. Central midfield

A popular feature of Kuipers’ play over the years has been his ability to fly off the handle. All true flair composers will either be mentally challenged or so calm they appear to be under the influence. So, it is only right we find someone to dictate play with that same level of hot-headedness. For me, the key signing in this team is Joey Barton. He will also wear the flair play armband.

7. Right-wing

It was tricky deciding whether the attribute this man shares with Michel most is extreme beauty or ever-changing hairstyles, but I’ve opted for the latter. It is of course pin-up boy and flairniac favourite Djibril Cisse. Ok, where one had white highlights on a black man’s head the other flitted between baldness and dreadlocks, but the important thing is that commitment to a great head of hair is unrivalled in world football.

8. Central midfield

Everyone loves a Scandinavian. Lars Bohinen, Oyvind Leonhardsen and Roland Nilsson are just some of the names etched into our memories forever. But I’ve looked to Thomas Brolin for inclusion here, sharing the trait of being shit in England upon arrival with our esteemed ex-goalkeeper. The difference, of course, is that where one recovered after 45 minutes, the other, er, didn’t.

9. Striker

We’ve all had nights where we just can’t sleep, and only the soothing sound of one of the flair army speaking can settle us. Michel’s voice has arguably been responsible for some of my bed’s most memorable moments. As such, I would like to recognise this by bringing another man with a beautiful voice into the reckoning. Yes, Sven-Goran Eriksson makes the cut and will play the second-striker role.

10. Striker

Goals, goals, goals. Michel was responsible for stopping them, but our team needs someone to bang them in. I nominate Branko Strupar, to be replaced by Dean Sturridge, who will in turn be withdrawn for Paulo Wanchope. No team can ever have too many representatives from Jim Smith’s legendary Derby County team of the 90s. End. Of. Story.

11. Left-wing

It seems only appropriate that we bring our second guest star into the game at this point, and prepare to welcome onto the hallowed turf ex-prime minister Tony (Flair) Blair. The legendary left-winger will simply entertain, Michel-style. Results don’t matter with Tony on board.

Manager – John Sitton. No more to be said.

Tony Blair get's some early practice in

Top 10- Flair Managers

2010-02-25T00:56:00.008Z

Managing any football club is a high stressful occupation, which is why many of them will turn into eccentric flair bastards, here is my top 10.....IAN HOLLOWAY IS NOT IN THIS BECAUSE HE TRIES TOO HARD

10. Raymond Domenech- Mulhouse, Lyon, France u-21, France

flair attributes- uses astrology for team selections

Raymond is the current manager of the French national side, he raised eyebrows when he admitted that he bases his team selections of astronomy, and has a distrust of Scorpio's. He has often dropped and called up players randomly, often without explanation or reason. Most French writers consider him to be "merde".

9. Ruud Gullit- Chelsea, Newcastle United, Feyenoord, LA Galaxy

flair attributes- dreadlock/suit combo, "sexy football"

After a hugely successful playing career, this dreadlocked Dutchman became manager of (then cool) Chelsea. Parented by father George Gullit and his mistress, Ria Dil, Gullit originally went by his mothers name until changing to Gullit because "it sounded more like a footballers name". He saw out his playing career at Chelsea and took over as manager when Glenn Hoddle became England Coach. At Chelsea he instigated the birth of "Sexy Football". Chelsea were the flair kings of England, with such icons as Gus Poyet, Gianfranco Zola, Frank LeBeouf, Gianluca Vialli, Jody Morris, Ed de Gooij and Marcel Desailly. Gullit was the first non-british manager to lift the FA Cup (1997), but left the club after a financial dispute. He later had a very unsuccessful spell at Newcastle, where he angered fans for leaving out hero Alan Shearer in the "Tyne-Wear Derby" and refusing to play Rob Lee. Since leaving England he has managed Feyenoord and LA Galaxy.

8. Paul Tisdale- Team Bath, Exeter City

flair attributes- cool hats

LOOK AT THAT HAT!!!!!!! AND HE WEARS CRAVATS!!!!!!!!!!

7. Sir Bobby Robson- Fulham, Ipswich Town, England, PSV Eindhoven, Sporting CP, Porto, Barcelona, Newcastle United

flair attributes- really nice, managed flair teams, mixing players names up, building newcastle's 2nd flair reich, discovering Ronaldo (the old one)

Sir Bobby is a legend of the footballing world. His charismatic charm and smile endeared him to everyone. A successful spell with Ipswich where he saw them lift the UEFA Cup was followed by a long spell as England manager. A Quarter Final and Semi Final record means that he is the nations second most successful manager. After a spell managing aboard for several clubs (he discovered RONALDO(the proper one)) he returned to his boyhood heroes, Newcastle United. Here he constructed an ultimate flair unit, with the likes of Kieron Dyer, Lee Bowyer, Titus Bramble and Craig Bellamy. Doubts as to whether he, at his old age, could handle all of these mega brutes led to his sacking. He died last year.

6. Mark Mcghee- Reading, Leicester City, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Millwall, Brighton & Hove Albion, Motherwell, Aberdeen

flair attributes- good suits, anger outbursts, building brighton's first flair reich, telling a player to walk home from burnley (to brighton)

Mark Mcghee was a member of Alex Ferguson's hugely successful Aberdeen side of the 1980's, and was seen as a natural successor to Ferguson when he stepped into the managerial game. However, since starting off at Reading, he has failed to settle at any club. He seems to follow the same pattern wherever he goes, he will do well for 2 years before going insane and falling out with everyone. I witnessed this happening at Brighton. He guided the Seagulls to promotion from League 1 to the Championship in his first season, kept them up the next, before going insane and calling everyone cunts. A mega fall out with star striker Leon Knight, aswell as Mark McCammon (he made him walk home from Burnley, although he actually just got a lift) blighted a season which saw the team relegated. Oh, and he would often wear all white suits to games.

5.John Sitton- Leyton Orient

flair attributes- incredible outburst on tv

"You, you little cunt, when I tell you to do something, and you, you fucking big cunt, when I tell you to do something, do it. And if you come back at me, we'll have a fucking right sort-out in here. All right? And you can pair up if you like, and you can fucking pick someone else to help you, and you can bring your fucking dinner. 'Cos by the time I've finished with you, you'll fucking need it."

4. Brian Clough OBE- Hartlepool United, Derby County, Brighton & Hove Albion, Leeds United, Nottingham Forest

flair attributes- arrogance, alcohol, crazy man management

"Old Big 'Ead" is one of the games most loved characters. A league winner with Derby County (yes, DERBY COUNTY) and Nottingham Forest (YEAH!) where he also won the European Cup (!) twice (TWICE!). He inexplicably never got the chance to manage England, seen as too big a character for the FA to handle, he later said ""I’m sure the England selectors thought if they took me on and gave me the job, I’d want to run the show. They were shrewd because that’s exactly what I would have done"

Clough was famed for his amazing man management, and making his players play the game fairly and attractively, he was years ahead of his time. The book and film "The Damned United" was made about his unsuccessful short spell with Leeds United.

Below are some of the gems that left his mouth

"If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there."

"I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one."

"I can't even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball - he might grab mine."

"Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particular job."

"I only ever hit Roy [Keane] the once. He got up so I couldn't have hit him very hard."

"I'm dealing with my drinking problem and I have a reputation for getting things done."

"We talk about it for twenty minutes and then we decide I was right."

"I like my women to be feminine, not sliding into tackles and covered in mud."

"He should guide Posh in the direction of a singing coach because she's nowhere near as good at her job as her husband."

3. Kevin Keegan OBE- Newcastle United, Fulham, England, Manchester City

flair attributes- awful england managerial career, built newcastle's first flair reich, failure to deal with pressure

Kevin Keegan constructed the flairest team ever to grace the Premier League. They were so utterly flair it was incredible. They paid little to no attention to defence whatsoever. The fact that they surrendered the title in the 1995-96 season, when it was almost in their grasp proves just how flair they really were. In that season Keegan crumbled under pressure in a way that has rarely been beaten before or since. His "I'D LOVE IT IF WE BEAT THEM" rant live on TV was one of the flairest moments ever. He later repeated this flairitude with Man City with the likes of George Weah and Paolo Wanchope. He is perhaps best known for his awful spell as England manager, however, where England failed to progress to the 2nd round in Euro 2000 in a tournament marred by strange team selections and individual errors. "King Kev" is a true flair hero.

2. Paul Gascoigne- Kettering Town

flair attributes- the fact that anyone ever thought that he was a suitable man for a managerial position

Few people remember Gazza's managerial career, and that is because it lasted all of 39 days. He was appointed manager of Kettering Town in 2005 after an action packed career in which he played for the likes of Newcastle, Tottenham, Rangers and Lazio. After struggling with fitness and mental illness, Gazza hung up his boots and went into the coaching and managerial game. However, whilst manager, his alcohol problems spiralled out of control, and the chairman sacked him. Since then he has hit rock bottom and was arrested for assault on the day of his sacking and has since been institutionalised after going on a mad rampage through a Newcastle hotel, and has made the odd brief recovery.

1. Jose Mourinho- Benfica, UD Leiria, Porto, Chelsea, Internazionale

flair attributes- silver fox, "the special one"

This Portuguese silver fox stated ""Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one,"" when he joined Chelsea. He has since blessed the world with his arrogance and self assurance. He has every right to be, as, at a fairly young age, he is already one of the most successful managers in history. He shot to fame when he guided the unfancied FC Porto to back to back Uefa Cup and Champions League wins, before joining Chelsea. Here he guided the Blues to their first title in YONKS before falling out with chairman Roman Abramovich and leaving, later joining Internazionale. He has always used a tactic of criticising referees and opposing players to take the pressure off of his own players, which has angered many of his opponents.

My New Hero- Iñigo Calderón

2010-02-25T00:43:00.002Z

Gus Poyet was criticised by sections of the anti-flair mafia that plague Brighton games for signing a fairly unknown Spanish (Basque) right-back going by the name of Iñigo Calderón. "blah blah blah we've already got Andrew Whing blah blah blah and Gavin Hoyte blah blah blah"

Calderón had been without a club since leaving former UEFA Cup finalists Deportivo Alaves in the summer and had had unsuccessful trials at several English clubs, before sexy Gus took a gamble.

Iñigo Calderón has dazzled Albion fans with his swashbuckling attitude to football, and will hopefully be at the club for a long, long time.

If i had my way, i'd make Iñigo Calderón player/life president and have Falmer named after him. He's even overtaken Federico Turienzo as my favourite ever human.

:)

Top 10: Flair Goalkeepers

2010-02-02T18:39:00.008Z

Goalkeepers have had a long connection with Flair. The potential for flair kits and erratic play is almost endless for these frustrated beings. They say that all goalkeepers are crazy, and here is proof, as i CONFIRM the top 10 flair goalkeepers.

10. Dmitri Kharine- USSR/CIS/Russia

The mid-90's was a golden era for flair. This was before the large influx of foreigners into the English game, which meant that the few heroes that did board the newly opened Channel Tunnel stood out like Gary Glitter in a playground. Kharine, a Russian international, was a trail blazer in the field of erratic goalkeeping. Wearing his trademark jogging bottoms, Kharine shocked the nation with a brand of play never seen before on this island. He is now giving something back to the community and is coaching a new breed of flair goalkeepers at Luton Town.

9. Jorge Campos- Mexico

Never has anyone encapsulated "kit flair" to the same extent as this Latino Flair hero. Campos insisted on designing his own kits, and, as you can see above, produced tremendous results. He played most of his football in his native Mexico, and would often play upfront for periods of games. When he did play in goal he would often bedazzle the crowd with his outfield prowess, inspiring the likes of Ben Roberts with his dribbling skills. Like Kharine, Campos is now a coach.

8. Yoshi Kawaguchi- Japan

Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi is a national icon in his native football mad Japan, almost as big as they come. However, he was an absolute disaster when he jumped aboard Milan Mandaric's Portsmouth Flar boat. Standing at 5 foot 10, white booted and short sleeved he was far too small to be a goalkeeper in the hustle and bustle of English football, and was often outmuscled by the burlish strikers found in England. Losing his place to fellow flairist Shaka Hislop, he left England with his tail between his legs. He is now playing in his native Japan.

7. German Burgos- Argentina

This Argentinian sex god is in this list purely for his off field antics. German Burgos quit football to join a cult. On the pitch he was a typical South American keeper with a hot head and an erratic style. After realising he didn't want to be in a cult any longer he rejoined football to continue his flair odyssey. He is now in a rock band.

6. Rustu Recber- Turkey

A modern day flair icon who reminded fans of a byegone era of flair keeping. Rustu went into each game like it was a battle, with war paint smeared across his face and a playing style not seen since the days of Genghis Khan. After dominating the Turkish game he joined Spanish giants Barcelona but failed to establish himself there due to refusing to learn Spanish. He is now Turkey's leading appearance maker.

5. Bruce Grobbelaar- Zimbabwe

Mad as a box of frogs, this Zimbabwean enters our list at number 5. There have been few keepers who have played with such a flamboyant nature, Bruce was a part of the all-conquering Liverpool of the 1980's. I was unfortunate to have only seen Africa's finest in the twighlight years of his career, which could well have been a blessing, as it was around this time that he was embroiled in a match-fixing scandle and was declared bankrupt as he failed to pay the fine. Since then he has appeared on ITV's "Hell's Kitchen".

4. Rene Higuita- Colombia

This Colombian stopper was nicknamed "El Loco" by fans and critics alike for his erratic playing style. One of many goalkeepers convinced that they belong outfield, he would frequently attempt to dribble past strikers, sometimes resulting in disasterous consequences. He was one of the first keepers to actively try and score goals. Higuita was also one imprisoned on kidnapping charges, causing him to miss the 1994 World Cup. The above picture shows him performing the now infamous "scorpion kick".

3. Jens Lehmann- Germany

One of the most mentally unstable players ever to grace the world. This German giant was incredibly argumentative with officials, team mates and opponents alike. Often openly critical of rival goalkeepers Oliver Khan and Manuel Almunia. The best Jens moments came on field when he would give out a "Jensing" and intimidate opponents. He also recently urinated on pitch DURING play.

2. Mark Bosnich- Australia

See "Top 10: Flair Premiership Players"

1. Jose Luis Chilavert- Paraguay

Scorer of 62 goals in his career, Jose Luis Chilavert is a goalkeeping icon. The Paraguay stopper was a freekick and penalty expert, more skilled with his feet than many outfield players and equally adept with his hands. When his portly frame strode up to the ball, the opposing keeper knew where it was going, and that was into his goal. Never really appreciated in European club football (he only scored 1 goal in his spell in France), he enjoyed his best spell in Argentina, where he scored an incredible 48 goals for Velez Sarsfield. Post-retirement, Jose was imprisoned for 6 months in France for using illegal passport documents, and is now involved in renewable energy using seaweed (that is actually true).

Top 10: Flair Rotherham United Players

2010-02-02T17:49:00.003Z

Written by Scott McCarthy

TOP 10 ROTHERHAM FLAIR PLAYERS SINCE 1994

To those of you uneducated in the world of flair, you may not associate the words "Rotherham United" and "flair" as going hand in hand. But oh how wrong you would be. In that famous Millmoor Stadium surrounded by a scrapyard in a small corner of Yorkshire, some of the most flair names in world football have played their trade. Here are the Top 10:

10) Jason White

Flair Attributes: Having the surname white but being black

White was an important player for Rotherham when he first arrived in the Ronnie Moore revolution, netting 22 times. He went onto have a spell in Singapore, but is probably best known for being a large burly black man with the surname white.
9) Darren Byfield

Flair Attributes: Married to Jamelia, Jamaican international

Scored "the goal that never was" on his debut against West Brom, before going onto finish his Rotherham career with 22 goals before a ludicrous swap deal sent him to Sunderland in exchange for Michael Proctor. Capped by Jamaica and former husband of pop superstar Jamelia
8) Barry and Paul Chuckle

Flair Attributes: Television personalities, moustaches, vicious rumour about their death.

Fans of ChuckleVision will recall the time that Barry and Paul pulled on the Rotherham United jersey in the episode "Football Heroes". Their one Millers appearance resulted in an own goal and the subsequent costing of the game
7) Leo Fortune-West

Flair Attributes: Journeyman, wears glasses

A gentle giant, Leo caused unforetold problems as he helped Rotherham to promotion from Division Three with 17 goals. His doubled barrelled name saw the Millers Shop take record salves for shirt printing

6) Eugene Bopp

Flair Attributes: Russian, ex-Bayern Munich

Mmmm-Bopp spent one season at the Millers in 2006-2007, netting 5 goals from midfield in a side that was relegated. Born in the Soviet Union, he began his career at Bayern Munich which gains instant flair recognition. Somehow nearly ended up signing for Portsmouth last summer despite suffering two relegations into League Two in three seasons with both the Millers and Crewe.

5) Darren Garner

Flair Attributes: 10 years of service, turning on his own fans

After 10 years of service including two promotions and winning the Auto Windscreen Shield and 265 appearances, Garner ended his Rotherham career in controversial fashion. After being substituted in February 2005, he didn't agree with the decision and subsequently decided to have an argument with Ronnie Moore followed by the use of a two finger salute at the crowd. This, obviously, didn't sit well and so Garner was gone
4) Alan Lee

Flair Attributes: Goal against Brentford, Irish, Alan Lee song

Signed to replace Leo Fortune-West, Lee had a pretty poor start to his Millers career. He soon started banging them in, and earned instant legend status when he netted the last minute goal against Brentford with a miraculous shot on the turn to send Rotherham into the second tier for only the second time in their history

3) Guy Branston

Flair Attributes: Massive discipline issues, general psychopath

Branston didn't earn the nickname "Psycho" for no reason. Best described as an eager player, he has been sent off 18 times in his career - including three since signing for Burton in July. He took great pleasure in winding up opposition players and fans with his antics, including diving, fouling, moaning and sometimes using hand gestures to inform people that they were, in his opinion, wankers

2) Shaun Goater MBE

Flair Attributes: MBE, Bermudan

The world has a lot to thank Rotherham for - and its not just Barry and Paul Chuckle. If it wasn't for the Millers, Shaun Goater would never have made it in England and fans across the country would never have known the saying "Feed the goat and he will score." He spent 7 years at Millmoor, earning an Auto Windscreen Shield winners medal in 1996 before leaving for Bristol City after falling out with Archie Gemmill.

1) Júnior

Flair Attributes: Brazilian, being black but having blonde hair, legal and personal problems

Although he only spent 12 games at Millmoor scoring 2 goals, José Luiz Guimarães Sanabio Júnior will go down as flair icon. He has left no less than three clubs due to personal problems, one of them being legal issues. Had he have had the correct legal paperwork and Ronnie Moore had have had the funds and desire to sign him, Júnior could have become the greatest flair player in English football

Top 10: Flair Premiership Players

2010-01-24T13:16:00.006Z

10 Stan Collymore- Nottingham Forest, Liverpool, Aston Villa, Leicester City, Bradford City

"Stan the man" started his Premiership life as a Nottingham Forest goal monster before defecting to Liverpool's "Spice Boys" for a then record fee. The Striker combined pace, strength and a good eye for goal as he created a lethal partnership with Robbie Fowler. He revealed that the Liverpool dressing room was a hedonistic flair dungeon, with a total lack of discipline and frequent hotel orgies- one of the reasons as to why they are considered to be an all time top flair outfit. Collymore had a knack for irritating managers with his less than perfect attitude, and it didn't take long before Liverpool had had enough, and he was on his way to Aston Villa. more fallings out in the second city led to Stan moving once more. Short spells with Leicester, Bradford and Oviedo in Spain preceded an early retirement. Poor fitness and a shoddy attitude had ruined what was a highly promising career.
Off the field, Stan was less than a gentleman. It was revealed by a certain Swedish serial footballer humper that he had regularly beaten her. He was also caught participating in the flair sexual act of "dogging".
Since retirement, Stan had a brief acting and music career, befriending Ice Cube, before settling down with a media career. He now hosts a programme for "Talk Sport".

9 Hidetoshi Nakata- Bolton Wanderers

Japanese icon, Hidetoshi Nakata, was recruited to Bolton's flair ranks in 2005. Here he teamed up with fellow flairists Jay Jay Okocha and Youri Djourkaeff. Nakata burst onto the scene before the 1998 world cup when he announced that he would be the player of the tournament (whether he was is still open for debate), and later completed a dream move to Serie A side Perugia. Hidetoshi enjoyed a happy spell in Italy with Parma, Fiorentina, and Roma- where he won his first silverware. He was rewarded with one of the highest honours in Italy- being made a Knight of the Italian star of solidarity, for improving the countries image overseas. During the twilight years of his career, Nakata joined Bolton and flaired the shit out of the Premiership before retiring. Nakata is a fashion fanatic and has often modelled for high profile designers.

8 Edgar Davids- Tottenham Hotspur

After a long and successful career, "the pitbull" decided to wind down his career with Tottenham. He had previously enjoyed great levels of success in Italy aswell as his native Netherlands where he triumphed in the champions league with Ajax. His high octane performances earned him his nickname, and he was hard not to recognise with his blindness conquering glasses that he sported during matches. Davids was also given a lengthy ban for steroid abuse in 2001, which is what really earns him his place on this list. Davids is now trying to improve the fortunes of his boyhood icons, Ajax.

7 Jay Jay Okocha- Bolton Wanderers

Okocha was "so good they named him twice" and he lit the game on fire with his exquisite skills and natural ability. Always seen as an underachiever in world football, the Nigerian had been a key member of Nigeria' "golden generation" who were triumphant in the 1996 Olympics, but had struggled to settle at any club. He kick started Bolton's flair dynasty and helped keep them in the Premiership year after year, which his exceptional skills. Okocha left the club to play in Qatar before satisfying atheists everywhere when he claimed that God had told him to live in Hull. No-one seemed to question why God would send anyone to Hull. He helped Hull secure promotion to the Premiership before retiring.

6. Joey Barton- Manchester City, Newcastle United

Bad boy midfielder Joey Barton enters our list at number 6. Barton burst onto the scenes as a tough tacking midfield dynamo with Kevin Keegan's Man City and quickly established his place in the side. On the pitch Barton isn't particularly flair, he's just your average box to box midfielder really. However, off the pitch he is a different story. Barton has served several prison sentences for different assault charges, one of which was on a former team mate. Barton also one stubbed a cigar out in a youth players eye. Barton blamed alcohol for many of his "anger management issues" and is now tee-total. Oh, and his brother is a racist axe murderer.

5. Mark Bosnich- Aston Villa, Manchester United, Chelsea

"All I did was fall in love with someone and care about them deeply and I put them ahead of everything and so be it... As Martin Luther King said, 'life is not worth living unless you find something worth dying for'. And at that time, for me, that person was more important than football." Commented Mark Bosnich, he was referring to his drug problem and relationship with model Sophie Anderton. Bosnich is one of football's great characters. A top goalkeeper in his day, but constant partying and playboy antics hindered his career, right up until he was banned after testing positive for cocaine. Bosnich claimed that Anderton had insisted that every time she did a line, he had to have one too. Whilst at Aston Villa, he was fined after carrying out a nazi salute at Tottenham fans. Bosnich has now left his playboy lifestyle behind him, and is resurrecting his career in his native Australia.

4 David Ginola- Newcastle United, Tottenham Hotspur, Aston Villa, Everton

Ginola was the star man in Kevin Keegans Newcastle dream team. Some saw him as lazy and uncommitted, others saw him for what he was- a modern day footballing mozart. Capable of turning a game with a flick of his long, flowing locks, Ginola was insanely skillful and articulate on the ball. He combined a fantastic dribbling ability and a great passing range. He could score goals and set them up, he could literally do everything. Ginola left Newcastle sparking a major riot and joined Tottenham- where he is now a member of the clubs "hall of fame". Several joy filled years at Spurs were followed by less happy spells at Aston villa and Everton. Ginola also appeared in several adverts and has enjoyed a fantastic post-football life. He has acted, modelled and has won awards for the wine made on his OWN VINYARD!!!!!

3 Juninho- Middlesbrough

Osvaldo Giroldo Júnior, aka "Juninho" was a Brazilian international who inexplicably joined Middlesbrough in 1996. The small attacking midfielder lit up the Premiership at a time when foreign flairists were a rarity. Juninho would often be found playing football on the streets with local children, as he took the North East firmly to his heart. Juninho had three happy spells on Teesside inbetween fairly unhappy spells in Spain, Scotland and Brazil. He was a World Cup winner in 2002. Some could say that he was a trailblazer in terms of flair foreigners coming here, it's certain that football would be vastly different if it weren't for the tiny Brazilian.

2 Tony Yeboah- Leeds United

The big Ghanaian striker was the best player on EARTH for about half a season. Yeboah is the only player EVER to win successive "goal of the month" awards (Sept & Oct 1995). Yeboah attributed his success while at Leeds to his love of Yorkshire Puddings, and any aspiring footballer only has to see his sublime goals against Liverpool and Wimbledon to instantly reach for the Aunt Bessies. Injuries (possibly Yorkshire Pudding related) hampered his career in England, and a clash with new manager and anti-flairist George Graham led to an exit from the club. Yeboah scored 25 goals in 48 games. Scoring off the crossbar from far out is still known as "a yeboah" and should always be followed by running around wagging your index fingers shouting "YEBOAHHHHHHHH". Tony is now a chairman of Bechem Chelsea in his native Ghana.

1 Matt Le Tissier- Southampton

Matt Le Tissier was a one club man and played 444 games for his beloved Southampton. Le Tissier, aka "Le God" (which translates unfortunately into French) would constantly feature in the "Goal of the Season" competition and has scored some of the greatest goals ever. Born in the Channel Islands meaning he could play for any of the "home nations" and he chose England, unfortunately he was constantly overlooked by England managers, only playing 3 times. Le Tissier was more than just a scorer of spectacular goals though, he netted 162 times, basically from midfield as he almost single handedly kept the Saints in the Premiership. He also missed just one penalty in his career. His touch and guile was exquisite and he was one of the most naturally gifted players to ever grace the English game. The fact that he only played for lowly Southampton was his choice rather than it being a case of larger clubs overlooking him, and he very nearly joined Manchester United. Le Tissier retired in 2002 after netting the last goal at The Dell and now works as a pundit.

Spotlight On: Colin Kazim-Richards

2010-01-19T11:05:00.004Z

Former Sheffield United, Bury and Brighton flairist, Colin "Kazim-Kazim" Kazim-Richards is to be sensationally booted out of his Turkish club Fenerbahce after being involved in several scandals.

Colin has always been a flair idol of mine since joining Brighton as the "Coca-Cola" kid. His immense skill and appalling attitude endeared him to very few non-flairniacs. Since leaving Brighton, his "too big for his boots" attitude has generally shown to be accurate as he has since played in the Premiership, Champions League and even played in Euro 2008 for his adopted nation of Turkey.

However, things have recently turned sour for Colin. In December he was involved in a car crash in which it was later revealed that he had ignored adverts in his youth to "belt up". This caused outrage within the normally placid Turkish media, and when it was recently revealed that he was arranging hotel orgies for him and his team-mates (and prostitutes obviously) his club had had enough.

Colin has now joined French side Toulouse on loan, with "Fener" claiming that he will never play for them again.

I salute you Colin

Top 10: modern day flair units

2010-01-18T19:06:00.005Z

Every now and again the world of football is blessed by a collection of the finest flair players all playing in same team. This feat is rarely seen which makes it even more special. Here are my top 10 flair units in my living memory (from the mid 90's onwards).

10. Jamaica's "Reggae Boyz"- World Cup 1998

The sunkissed island of Jamaica made their World Cup debut in 1998. The nation more famous for providing the world with Bob Marley, Jimmy Cliff and Desmond Dekker was previously more of a cricketing nation. Many of the Jamaica squad were plying their trade in England (or have since moved here) so were more than familiar with football fans over here. Jamaica were unfortunately dumped out at the first round after defeats at the hands of Croatia and Argentina. The highlight came with a 2-1 over the fancied Japanese. Some could've seen their early exit coming, questioning whether the likes of Fitzroy Simpson and Frank Sinclair really belonged at the World Cup. But extravagant play and colourful fans really brightened up every game that the Reggae Boyz played in.

Team that defeated Japan: Aaron Lawrence; Stephen Malcolm, Christopher Dawes, Ian Goodison, Fitzroy Simpson (Robbie Earle); Marcus Gayle (Deon Burton), Theodore Whitmore, Ricardo Gardner, Onandi Lowe; Frank Sinclair, Paul Hall (Walter Boyd)

9. Jose Mourinho's Porto Team- 2002-2004

Few had heard of 'The Special One' before FC Porto's 2002-03 Uefa Cup Win (against Martin O'Neill's Celtic) and 2003-04 Champions League win (against AS Monaco). His side were mainly an efficient unit which few could dismantle (they defeated Manchester United en route to the final)

but it was their unknown flamboyant manager who gripped the attention of the flair world like a python around it's pray. Jose left Porto after his back to back European successes and joined Chelsea where he briefly dominated the English game before joining Internazionale, but the flair connoisseurs amongst us remember the good old days when a silver fox shook the world of football in a way never seen before

Team that beat AS Monaco in the Champions League final: Vitor Baia; Paulo Ferreira, Jorge Costa, Ricardo Carvalho, Nuno Valente; Pedro Mendes, Costinha, Maniche, Deco (Pedro Emanuel); Derlei (Benni McCarthy), Carlos Alberto (Dimitri Alenichev)

8. Sir Bobby Robson's Newcastle Dynasty. 1999-2004

Before 'The Toon' became a world wide comedy act they were actually quite good. Sir Bobby, a local hero, took over from the disastrous spell of Ruud Gullit and transformed United into a respectable outfit. Consistently high league finishes and European adventures kept fans happy. The potent strike force of Alan Shearer and Craig Bellamy was supplied by the likes of Laurent Robert, Nolberto Solano, Kieron Dyer, Lee Bowyer and Jermaine Jenas. The impressive Jonathan Woodgate made sure that respectability was added to the defence. They say that too many cooks spoil the flair broth and this proved to be the case as Robson's galactico's self imploded around him. In-fighting and on pitch dissent put pressure on the aging legend. Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer fighting on pitch was the straw that broke the camels back for the Newcastle board and they replaced him with Graham Souness. Newcastle have since spiraled into anarchy and now find themselves in the Championship. They have never seen anything like the delights of Robson's reign since his departure.

A select few of the many flair players to play in this period: Titus Bramble; Craig Bellamy; Lee Bowyer; Laurent Robert; Jonathan Woodgate; Lomana Lua-Lua; Shola Ameobi; Clarence Acuna; Kieron Dyer; Nolberto Solano

7. Senegal- World Cup 2002

Senegal made their World Cup debut in 2002 and stunned the world when they defeated world champion's France. They went on to draw with Denmark and Uruguay which resulted in the African's progressing to the second stage where they defeated Sweden. An extra time defeat to Turkey saw them crashing out in the quarter finals, but their athleticism, industry and skill endeared them to fans throughout the world. Senegal have failed to qualify for a World Cup since and many of the teams stars have failed to capitalise on their undoubted potential.

Team that defeated France: Tony Sylva; Omar Daf, Papa Malick Diop, Aliou Cisse, Khaliou Fadiga; El-Hadji Diouf, Lamine Diatta, Moussa D'Diaye, Salif Diao Ferdinand Coly, Papa Boupa Diop. Selected Subs Not Used: Henri Camara; Amdy Faye, Habib Beye

6. Bolton Wanderers' "Golden Oldies"

The words "Bolton" and "Flair" are very rarely mentioned in the same page let along sentence, but here, i'm going to do it: Bolton, flair. There you go. Shortly after promotion to the Premiership, unlikely flair icon Sam Allardyce went flair mental and created a flair dynasty that will live long in the memory. Surrounded by industrial oafs were several players deemed too flair/old for any other club. As the players got older, the team started to retire and disband and the flair era and the Reebok was quickly over

Selected players to play for Bolton's "Golden Oldies": Jay-Jay Okocha; Fredi Bobic; El-Hadji Diouf; Hidetoshi Nakata; Fernando Hierro; Youri Djourkaeff

5. Chelsea's "Zola and Co."

Remember when Chelsea were cool? Pre-Abramovich Chelsea were a cosmopolitan, underachieving, swashbuckling flair orchestra. They would regularly defeat the top teams in the league, but poor results against teams that they should've easily defeated meant that they often underachieved league wise, but in the cups they were fairly successful with FA Cup and Uefa Cup Winners Cup wins. Financial instability led to a certain Russian taking over and a more efficient unit replacing the flair icons of before.

Team that defeated Stuttgart in the 1998 Uefa Cup Winners Cup Final: Ed De Goey; Dan Petrescu, Danny Granville, Frank LeBoeuf, Michael Duberry, Steve Clarke; Dennis Wise, Roberto Di Matteo, Gustavo Poyet (Eddie Newton); Tore Andre Flo, Gianluca Vialli (Gianfranco Zola)

4. Roy Evans and "Pass and move it's the Liverpool groove"

It's hard to remember a time when Liverpool weren't insanely dull, but in reality you don't have to turn the clock back too far to find an entertaining Liverpool side. Pre-Benitez, Pre-Gerrard, Pre-Carragher, Pre-Houllier and even Pre-Owen, Liverpool were a relentlessly attacking side, showing little regard to defending and playing excellent football. Managed by one of football's forgotten men- Roy Evans- Liverpool combined an ageing defence, and erratic goalkeeper and a midfield that were only interested in flairing the shit out of any opposition. The 4-3 win over fellow flairniacs, Newcastle United, is one of the greatest matches ever seen. Gerard Houllier joined Evans at the helm and had his own ideas. Evans quit and, whilst the clubs fortunes on the pitch improved, the flair period was sadly, over.

Team that defeated Newcastle United 4-3: David James; Rob Jones (Ian Rush), Jason McAteer, Mark Wright (Steve Harkness), Stan Collymore, John Barnes, John Scales, Jamie Redknapp, Steve McManaman, Robbie Fowler, Neil Ruddock

3. West Ham- "Too Good to Go Down" 2002-2003

West Ham United were considered far too good to be relegated when the 2002-03 season started. Glenn Roeder had succeeded Harry Redknapp and was carrying on with the side that Redknapp built, based around many locally sourced young players. Despite playing fantastic football at times, consistant form was never found and the underachieving Hammers were eventually relegated. The club have never quite recovered since, however many of the players have gone on to greater things. David James, Glen Johnson, Michael Carrick, Joe Cole and Jermaine Defoe have all become England internationals, and Freddi Kanoute has had a successful career in Spain

Team that defeated Chelsea 1-0 in May 2003: David James; Glen Johnson, Tomas Repka, Christian Dailly, Rufus Brevett; Steve Lomas, Joe Cole, Trevor Sinclair; Freddi Kanoute, Les Ferdinand (Paolo Di Canio), Jermaine Defoe

2. England- Euro '96

The most exciting England side in years graced the European Championship in 1996. Led by manager Terry Venables the team used home advantage and a talented team to very nearly go all the way- eventually losing on penalties to anti-flair elitists, Germany in the semi-finals. Venables deployed the "Christmas Tree" formation (4-3-2-1) in which star midfield and flair overlord, Paul Gascoigne was given freedom to roam and assist hot shot striker, Alan Shearer. England blitzed through the first round with a draw against Switzerland, a win over Scotland and a demolition of Netherlands, before a hard fought win over Spain saw them face off with Germany in the semi's. It was not meant to be and England have never been as flair since.

England Squad: David Seaman, Gary Neville, Stuart Pearce, Paul Ince, Tony Adams, Gareth Southgate, David Platt, Paul Gascoigne, Alan Shearer, Teddy Sheringham, Darren Anderton, Steve Howey, Ian Walker, Nicky Barmby, Jamie Redknapp, Sol Campbell, Steve McManaman, Les Ferdinand, Phil Neville, Steve Stone, Robbie Fowler, Tim Flowers

1. Keegan's Newcastle Dream Team

This Newcastle side were my inspiration for flair. They were the reason why i got into flair and i owe everything to them. The pinnacle of this flair dynasty was the 1995-96 season in which they dazzled opponents with attacking play before self imploding and eventually surrendering the title which was almost in their grasp. Shaka Hislop and Pavel Srnicek battled it out for the keepers jersey (which featured a backdrop of the Newcastle skyline), David Ginola strolled around the pitch looking like he didn't give a shit before unleashing a volley into the top corner from 30 yards, Phillipe Albert defended without caring about defence and Faustino Asprilla played with incredible inconsistency. This rich cocktail of flair led to a potent hangover as the Toon never quite recaptured these glory years, and failure to do so has seen many managers come and go. Even the arrival of prodigal son, Alan Shearer the following season couldn't improved the flairtunes of the club.

This is the side that defeated Arsenal 2-0 in January 1996: Pavel Srnicek; Warren Barton, Rob Elliot, Darren Peacock, Philippe Albert, Rob Lee (Lee Clark), David Ginola, Peter Beardsley, Paul Kitson (Steve Watson), Les Ferdinand

Top 10: flair brighton players of the withdean era

2010-01-18T10:53:00.005Z

10. Michel Kuipers

Flair Attributes: Foreign; Injury Prone; Interesting former career; erratic performances

Any Flair list would be incomplete without our own Former Dutch Marine. One of the most popular Albion players of all time kicks off our list. Kuipers started his career in the Dutch amateur leagues before moving to Bristol Rovers in 1999. Zero appearances later and in search of regular football, Mickey Adams brought the Dutchman in initially as a back-up to Mark Cartwright. Initially ridiculed for his poor kicking and girls name, Kuipers has overcome adversity and a list of rivals to his number 1 jersey that is as long as his sizable member. Capable of stunning saves and the rare howler, Amsterdam born Kuipers is a true Flair icon. Almost 300 appearances later he is still number 1 at the club after dispatching another rival in the form of Scottish 'goalkeeper', Graeme Smith.

9. Bas Savage

Flair Attributes: Celebration; contraversial exit from the club; brief stint with blue hair

Eyebrows were raised in February 2007 when Dean Wilkins selected free agent Bas Savage as the newest member of his flair orchestra. Bas had recently been released by Gillingham and had netted just twice in his career. However, Savage quickly became a cult hero with Albion fans as he netted crucial goals in the clubs survival battle. It was not just his goals that gained him affection, but for his 'Moonwalk' celebration which had Soccer AM creaming themselves everytime he netted. A contract dispute saw him leave the Albion and join Millwall in February 2008. But for a short time Savage was a hero down on the South Coast.

8. Lorenzo Pinamonte

Flair Attributes: Foreign; long hair

Lorenzo played 9 games for the Albion on loan from Bristol City in the 99-00 season. He was the original foreign icon at Withdean, paving the way for the likes of Turienzo, Carole, Molango and Chaigneau. Lorenzo may have only netted twice in his short spell, but it is his long term impact that has earned him his place on this list. Pinamonte later went on to play for Brentford and Leyton Orient aswell as several teams in Italy, where he still plays. Failure to capture the Italian Stallion paved the way for Bobby Zamora's arrivial at Brighton

7. Sebastien Carole

Flair Attributes: Foreign; erratic performances; lazy

The Frenchman arrived in England alongside compatriot Alexandre Frutos in 2005. He had previously represented French powerhouse AS Monaco and had even played in the Champions League. The winger spent the whole season casually switching between world class and appalling with a typically French nonchalant attitude. His fondness for beating the same player more than once, and his inability to provide consistently quality crosses may have infuriated sections of the Withdean crowd, but all this cemented his place in the hearts of Albion Flairniacs everywhere. Sebastien left the club after using a relegation clause in his contact, and joined Leeds United, where he played around 40 games. A short spell with Darlington preceded a short and fairly unsuccessful return to the Albion. At the start of this season he joined John Barnes' Tranmere flair Reich before recently rejoining Brighton for the third time on a rolling contract.

6. Ben Roberts

Flair Attributes: Erratic; injury prone; appearance flair

It takes a great man to outflair Michel Kuipers but the "Beast from the North East" did just that. A former FA Cup Finalist with Middlesbrough in 1997, the former England Under-21 'keeper arrived at Withdean on loan during the 2002-2003 to cover for the injured Kuipers before signing permanently the following season. Roberts ticked so many boxes on the flair list that it was almost too good to be true. Dashing good looks, short sleeves and white boots ensured that he had nothing to worry about appearance wise. Performance wise he was exceptionally good value for money. His love of solo runs earned him the nickname "coco" among Albion fans, but he soon won the anti-flair fans over with consistently high performances during Brighton's play-off promotion season. A superb penalty save from Tommy Mooney in the Swindon shoot-out helped Brighton make the final. Roberts suffered a back injury which eventually led to his early retirement. Were it not for his persistent back problems he would've surely played at a higher level. He is now goalkeeping coach at League 1 rivals Yeovil Town.

5. Al Bangura

Flair Attributes: Involved in scandal; foreign

Not many Brighton players have been involved in a deportation scandal, which is exactly why the Sierra Leone born Bangura finds himself at number 5 in this illustrious list. Bangura was the subject of human trafficking as a youth. After the death of his father, Al fled to Guinea where he met a Frenchman who intended to take him to the UK and use him as a male prostitute. Once in the UK, Bangura sought asylum. Bangura came up through the ranks at Watford, playing around 60 games. It was at Watford that he was involved in a deportation case with the Home Office intending to return him to Sierra Leone, where he felt his life would be in danger. Manager Aidy Boothroyd spoke on his behalf and Watford fans gave him their support, and the decision was announced that Bangura would be allowed to stay in the UK. FLAIR! Bangura played 6 games for the Albion last season and now plays for Blackpool.

4. Darren Currie

Flair Attributes: Lazy; under achievement; appearance flair; on pitch skill

Currie has been generally regarded as one of the most naturally gifted players to grace the Football League. Often regarded as the 'poor mans Beckham', Darren possessed two good feet, a good cross, a good passing range and a reputation as a set piece specialist- all he lacked was pace. The bulk of his pre-Albion appearances were for Barnet and Wycombe Wanderers and he was voted into the 'Team of the Year' whilst with Barnet the year Brighton won the 3rd division (Barnet were relegated). Currie left Wycombe by mutual consent in 2004 and hopped aboard Mark Mcghee's flair train. He graced the hallowed shirt for just 22 games, but his impact was so great that he will forever be remembered as an Albion legend. Currie joined Ipswich for £250,000 and played 83 games for the Suffolk club. Darren nearly rejoined the Albion after leaving Luton Town, but broke the hearts of Albion Flairniacs everywhere, and instead joined Chesterfield.

3. Leon Knight

Flair Attributes: Bad attitude; white boots; winding up opposition fans

A controversial figure wherever he has been, Leon Knight played for Brighton from 2003-2006. Knight grew up in London and played for the famous 'Senrab' boys team that has produced shit loads of professional players. The 'short' striker was snapped up by Chelsea and had several loan spells in the football league with QPR, Sheffield Wednesday, Huddersfield Town and finally, Brighton. After several games he was snapped up by Steve Coppell for a fee of £50,000. Knight proceeded to systematically destroy Division 2 defences and finished the league's top scorer as the Seagulls were promoted. His penalty at Cardiff secured the win. Unfortunately, this was the peak of his career, since then constant fallings out with team mates and managers alike have blighted Knight's career so much so that only Chelsea and Brighton has received money for him. Since falling out with Mark Mcghee in 2006 , Knight has played for/fallen out with: Swansea City; Barnsley (loan); MK Dons; Wycombe Wanderers; Rushden & Diamonds; Thrasyvoulos and now finds himself at SPL side Hamilton. Knight is the epitome of the type of player you find all over the Football League. He had all the talent in the world, but his attitude was appalling, and i believe that we saw the best that he had to offer. He was ruddy flair though.

2. Tony Rougier

Flair Attributes: Foreign; religious; celebration

Some may see this as a strange choice but in just six appearances, Rougier cemented himself in the Albion Flair Hall of Fame. The attacker grew up in that Cathedral of Flair- Trinidad & Tobago and has represented his nation 67 times. Rougier arrived at Withdean on loan from Reading in the 2002-03 season (widely regarded as the Flairest season in the Albions history) and scored twice in his 6 games. On his home debut, the "Trinidaddy of Cool" netted against Millwall, and unleashed a celebration that will last long in the memory of all that were there, when he imitated a Seagull. Rougier is a 'proud and passionate Christian" and was the man who advised friend and unlikely nominee for "father of the year" Dwight Yorke to 'calm down a bit with the ladies'. Rougier played against the Albion in the play-off final the following season, where a section of anti-flair elitists started 'booing' the former Albion hero. Rougier is now Technical Director of FC South End, a team who he co-founded in his homeland.

1. Federico Turienzo

Flair Attributes: Foreign; Long hair; rubbish; over priced

A perhaps predictable choice from me, but one that may be surprising to those who were unlucky never to witness any of the Latino sex icon's 4 appearances in the Albion shirt. Turienzo arrived from Argentine giants Gimnasia La Plata for a bargain £150,000 in the summer of 2005, after a stunning trial. Mark McGhee was responsible for the arrivals of many flair gods, but it is the signing of Turienzo that he is most famous for. In his 4 appearances, he subjected Albion fans to some of the greatest displays of attacking prowess ever witnessed. On his debut against Reading (one of the highest anticipated moments in Albion history) he showed what he was made of by unleashing a long range drive which narrowly missed, before being harshly denied a penalty after being scythed down in the box. Turienzo is now terrorising defences in Italy for Cavese, but his heart will always belong with the Albion.

Welcome to FlairwatchUK

2010-01-18T10:09:00.001Z

Welcome readers to a brand new 'blog' following the world of FLAIR.

Over the course of 'forever', myself and my co-writers will keep you posted with your favourite flair footballers/people